A SIMPLE AND ELEGANT SOLUTION ?

Our parish here in deepest Kent is divided into two really - there`s one side of the By-pass and the other side.  The side we live in has been well established for many years - the church, pub, shop and the relatively `new` housing development which has been here for getting on for 50 years now.   You might say that this side is the heart of the village.  The other side is  currently the subject of a large housing development on the site of what used to be a `hospital.`

A respected historical website tells us that "The hospital was built as a colony for mental defective persons by Kent County Council in 1936 utilising an existing estate and the manor house.  It housed up to 1200 patients, but it was wound down due to Care in the Community and closed in 1996.  It laid dormant until the land and buildings were sold to developers."  (The development gave rise to speculation about the names for the new streets which might `commemorate` the history of the site - various suggestions were made including The Nutters, Bonkers Close, Mental Avenue - but all were rejected in favour of a more `marketable` description.)

The reason for explaining all this is to report that the football pitches on the new development have just recently been invaded by our travelling friends, complete with their caravans, trucks and assorted vehicles and the varied amounts of rubbish and mayhem which accompanies their visits.   Swift action is being taken, however, to make their stay as short as possible but in a way it makes a change for us on this side of the parish, as we have had numerous invasions over here over many years until last year when finally sufficient `barriers` were erected to keep our open spaces free from such incursions.

As a county, Kent has a history of invasions - from the Roman legions to the present day incursion of migrants making the perilous journey crossing the channel to get to the promised land.  In recent days their numbers have increased even more alarmingly - over 4,000 have arrived so far this year alone.   The Government`s reaction to growing public concern is, predictably, to hold an inquiry.  At the moment our Members of Parliament are on their summer break and so any inquiry won`t even begin until September at the earliest, so goodness knows how long it will take for them to form their recommendations, get them agreed and implemented, if ever.



But maybe that inquiry could come up with a simple and elegant solution to the `traveller` problem at the same time.   Surely it makes sense to treat the travellers the same way as the migrants to our shores.  Offer them free housing, free health care, cash to spend each and every week and then maybe they might stop travelling?    Seems simple and elegant to me, although I also recall H.L. Mencken suggesting that for every complex problem there is a simple solution that doesn`t work.  

EVENIN` ALL...

It`s not very often I feel the need to write about our boys in blue but I noticed a report the other day about the police here in Kent facing criticism after releasing a photograph of two of their officers holding up a gypsy flag.  Here`s a not very good photo of the photo which Kent Police posted on Twitter....of all things......

The officers photographed are Deputy Chief Constable Tony Blaker and PC Kate West and they are shown holding up the blue and green flag with a red caravan wheel in the centre - the Gypsy Roma Travellers flag.   The Force Twitter post said, "We are marking GRT History month by raising the flag, helping to show our continued support for diverse communities.  Kent`s history has a rich Gypsy and Roma heritage and we`ll continue to work with all communities to ensure this is a welcoming county for all."

Following some criticism on Twitter and elsewhere Kent Police defended their right to celebrate diversity, saying that showing support could improve their relationship with groups such as travellers.   DC Blaker went on to say, "British policing is by consent and Kent Police seeks to positively engage with all our communities.  In doing so we regularly show our support for other national and international events and religious festivals."  This comes shortly after Kent`s Chief Constable, Alan Pughsley, was shown `taking the knee` in support of the Black Lives Matter movement.

Now here in our small Kentish village we have had the pleasure over many years of seeing a family of genuine gypsy travellers visiting us for a day or so to rest their horse, stay overnight on an area of green before moving on next day.   They have been exemplary in their behaviour and respect for the local community - they left the place as they found it and you would never know they had been there.

Contrast that with the frequent `invasions` - for that is what they are - by `travellers` who turn up en masse, break down gates, forcibly enter the village green areas, park their 4x4s, their white vans, their trucks and trailers wherever they want, transgress all manner of rules and regulations, create mayhem by hurling abuse at local residents and leaving an unholy mess behind for the local council to deal with.

I just hope that Kent Police`s flag waving is in genuine support of the authentic Gypsy Roma travellers rather than the `wider traveller community,` with whose crimes and misdemeanours the law abiding council taxpayers have to contend. But I fear I may be mistaken and so  I`m tempted to suggest that maybe the higher echelons of Kent Police should perhaps spend more time supporting their own overworked and over stressed front line troops rather than straying into virtue signalling stunts which simply add to the disconnect from those who pay their salaries.  After all, the whole purpose of the police is surely to maintain law and order for those who pay them to do so and not to play political games in support of those who do not?

Heaven knows what PC George Dixon would make of it all.  "Move along please.  Nothing to see here."

OH TO BE IN ENGLAND...

.....now that April`s here.   So said Robert Browning and he may have had in mind the kind of scene in this photo that I took earlier this week along the stretch of the south west coast path near Lundy Bay in north Cornwall.   It was a perfect scene - blue skies, gentle breeze, birds singing, flowers along the way.

Trouble was, nothing really prepared me for what I discovered on my return home on Thursday.   Now we like to think that we live in a quiet-ish, peaceful, supportive community here in our Kentish conclave in what passes for the Garden of England.   And just 100 yards away down the road there`s a rather nice green area, flanked by trees with a stream running through it - a much treasured `amenity` for local residents, especially children.

Unfortunately, the area has once again been invaded - there`s no other word for it really - by about a dozen caravans, vans, trailers, etc. of the `travelling community.`  They simply break into the area, drive their vehicles over it, set up camp and know that the law and the authorities cannot touch them all over this Bank Holiday weekend.  Here`s what it looks like today:-

Just over the hedge on the right are three or four houses whose residents have to put up with the noise, the filth, the abusive behaviour and language but apparently there`s nothing the authorities can do apart from go through the tortuous legal process of serving Orders and hoping, optimistically, that eventually our visitors will be gone.  We local taxpayers have to pick up all the bills not least being the cost of cleaning up the mess they leave behind and leaving the area fit for human habitation again.

This is the third or fourth year this has happened and if I were not a tolerant, understanding chap who recognises the primacy of human rights, I could get a touch miffed about it all.   But this is England and it`s still just April...but I just wish I was back on that coast path again.

HERE WE GO AGAIN !!

This was the scene last summer when our village green was invaded by a group of `travellers,` who curiously seemed to be reluctant to do any travelling.   They broke into the fenced and gated green and made life seriously unpleasant for local residents. Problems involving illegal trespass, criminal damage, insanitary use of the stream flowing under the trees and dubious legality of vehicles all seemed to go unpunished.   No wonder the `travellers` feel that they can do this kind of thing with impunity, knowing that the powers that be are reluctant to use what powers they may have.

A few days ago, another group arrived, lifting a gate off its hinges and parking in the same community area and whilst there may not be quite so many as last year, there are still more than enough to see a repeat of all the problems we encountered then.   The Council have issued `notices,` which apparently required these malcontents to vacate the area by this morning.  They`re still here and word has it that the `notice` has simply been ignored and the Council has to go through yet another legal loophole which will mean that our visitors will remain where they are - unless a sudden urge to travel overtakes them - whilst the law grinds its pitiful course.

Seems to me there`s one rule for us law abiding taxpayers and quite another one for those who behave appallingly and simply ignore the requirements of the law.   Now, I was interested to hear the other day that David Cameron reliably informed us that if we vote Brexit in the upcoming EU Referendum, then we will be beset by a plague of killer bees, which we duly have been.   However, Cameron didn`t say anything about our village green being beset by a plague of dishevelled lawbreakers.  So I guess it`s OK to vote Brexit anyway.

CAUGHT IN THE LIGHT...

Been away for a week in the South Hams of South Devon, staying at Bigbury on Sea.  It`s another of our favourite parts of the country and we enjoy the coast path walks, the beaches, the Devon villages and the weather, which blessed us with a week of unbroken sunshine with a bit of a breeze which made the walking even more enjoyable.

And this is a prime location for sunsets, like the one I captured in the photo above last Thursday evening.   The ship which was caught in the light of a spectacular sunset is the Belgian Navy Patrol ship, Pollux, which was commissioned just a few months ago to join her sister ship, Castor (of course.)

I knew that Belgium produced excellent chocolate and good footballers but I didn`t know Belgium had a navy. But it seems they have and Pollux is reported to spend her time patrolling the waters off the Belgian coast and has recently `escorted` a Russian submarine off the Belgian patch.   So what was it doing in Bigbury Bay last Thursday evening, I wonder?   Well, I can but guess that it had heard about the South Devon sunsets and decided to check it out.   Can`t blame them really, can you?

HOME AGAIN, HOME AGAIN...

Been away for a week exploring the highways and byways of north Devon.   It`s an area we haven`t visited for a long time, so it was good to re-visit some places and find some new ones.   Probably the most `enjoyable` was the discovery of Selworthy which is just over the border into the part of Exmoor which lies in Somerset.   I had read about Selworthy over the years and seen pictures of what seemed to be an idyllic village, so I was keen to go there and see if it lived up to its billing as `one of the loveliest villages in England.`

I was not disappointed.   As my photo above shows, it sits on its hillside overlooking a patchwork valley with the great looming presence of Dunkery Beacon beyond.   The village itself, clustered around a verdant village green, consists of just seven old cottages with thatched roofs, latticed windows and gabled porches and was built in 1828 by Sir Thomas Acland as something of a model village to provide housing for the elderly and infirm of his Holnicote Estate.   We were fortunate to be there on a late summer evening with very few people around - a situation that might be quite unusual.

We struggled up through the nearby woods and out onto the open moor to reach Selworthy Beacon and enjoy spectacular views across to the Welsh coast.   If there was a downside to our week, it might have been the stress caused to this hapless driver in negotiating the perilous coastal single track lanes around Woody Bay with a 400 foot drop on one side guarded only by a flimsy fence; and also chancing my arm driving across a very narrow packhorse bridge at Brendon, which I thought halfway across I shouldn`t be attempting, but rather I should be using the adjoining ford.  You live and learn.

Anyway, it`s good to be home again and I suspect that my re-entry from the kind of escapism that last week brought will make it difficult to get back to my `usual` hard edged blogging.   Just give me a day or two to get back in to the `real world.`  It is real, isn`t it?

THE HAPPY HIGHWAYS..

Well, I may not quite be up and running - more up and staggering - but I have missed these pages over the last few weeks and so I thought I would give it one more go and see whether, like me, my antediluvian computer is still up to the task.  So here goes.

We`ve been away again;  yet another visit to Cornwall and this time a return to the tranquillity of the captivating Roseland Peninsula on the south coast.   We`ve been there countless times now and yet there`s something about the area that brings a wistfulness, a longing to return time and again.   And so we have done just that.

I enjoy the peace of Gerrans Bay, the Llaregub-esque quirkiness of Portscatho, the grandeur of St. Anthony`s Head, the seduction of Molunan beach and the pines of Carricknath Point looking out at the wide expanse of Carrick Roads - just the sort of place where we can enjoy a fortnight there in just one week.   And yet there is a feeling that, for all kinds of reason, our visit last week may not come again - we may simply have exhausted what the Roseland has to offer;  we may have other places to experience;  and at nearly 76 I might just be getting a little weary of the drive, especially as last Friday it took us over nine hours to get home to deepest Kent.

The photo above, which I took last week - click on it for a larger image - shows the lane leading from Rosevine down to Porthcurnick beach, where the lane comes to an abrupt end with a panoramic view of Portscatho beyond.   We walked down that lane each day and each time I began to feel more and more like Houseman`s Shropshire Lad:-

Into my heart on air that kills

From yon far country blows.

What are those blue remembered hills

What spires, what farms are those?

That is the land of lost content

I see it shining plain.

The happy highways where I went

And cannot come again.

A QUESTION OF PRIORITIES..

Crismill Lane in the village of Bearsted here in Kent is an ancient lane that leads from the outskirts of the village up to the Pilgrims Way.   It`s quintessentially English and in years gone by you can imagine it making its way through the countryside of the Garden of England with views to the North Downs and the rolling Kent farmland.   Not much happened then but these days the lane is crossed by the M20 Motorway and the High Speed Rail line which carries the Eurostar trains from London to the continent.  Crismill Lane overcomes these obstructions by way of bridges and tunnels before meandering on its way.

Yesterday came the tragic news that someone had died having been hit by a train on the railway line in the morning.  British Transport Police are describing the incident as `non suspicious`but it seems to have all the hallmarks of a genuine human tragedy, details of which are yet to emerge.   Consequently, the high speed line was closed in both directions, affecting services between London and Paris and in all nearly 20 trains were cancelled throughout the day.

What was not only interesting but which also provided an accurate summary of life in today`s fast lane was the reaction to these events.   These were mainly from passengers stranded at St. Pancras station who were complaining about the lack of information from Eurostar.  The Twitterati were in full swing, of course, with such comments as `Have waited five hours for the train and now there`s not enough room for everyone.`   One gentleman from Belgium was bitterly inconvenienced when being told that he could not get home until today.

And in all the sound and the fury, not one single note of understanding, of compassion, of sympathy for the fact that someone had lost their life in whatever tragic circumstances had befallen them.   Maybe today we are more concerned with the priorities of time and our personal convenience than we are with sparing a thought for our anyone else?   

GONE BUT NOT FORGOTTEN..

I`ve often thought that Parish Councils are the most useful and most relevant of all the tiers of `government` in this country.  They are closest to local people and, of course, are made up of local people themselves.  They live in their own communities and so have their fingers on the pulses of any `issues` that might be affecting the community they represent and of which they are part.   And as the tiers of government get bigger - District/Borough Councils, County Councils, Central Government, European Parliament etc. - it seems to me that their detachment from local people and therefore the remoteness of those organisations increase proportionately;  perhaps illustrated by the increasing disconnect between the electors and the elected.  

Following our recent encounter with the visiting `travellers,` our Parish Council, despite not being the owners of the land which was invaded or indeed without having any legal powers to resolve the situation, thought it would be useful to call a special public meeting to review what happened, the action taken by the various agencies involved and learn lessons for the future.  

So it was that a good number of parishioners attended the village hall on Wednesday evening, primed for a concerted rant at one or two of the aforementioned agencies.   Sadly, however, we were met with a string of `apologies for absence` from variously ranking police officers and since the bulk of the questioning was likely to have been directed towards the police for their apparent reluctance to take any form and decisive action when it was needed, the meeting was not as productive as it might have been.  

I was left with the impression that as the incident was over and done with a couple of weeks ago, then despite the fact that there are still outstanding issues to resolve, not least the measures to be taken to prevent a similar occurrence in the future, the attitude of a number of agencies was to shrug their collective shoulders and `move on at the end of the day.`

Well, the traveller invasion may have gone away but that experience, together with the `performance` of those agencies charged with the responsibility to protect those communities who pay for them, will not be forgotten in a hurry.

THE LONG AND WINDING ROAD..

To Southampton for yet another pilgrimage to St. Mary`s Stadium to see the Saints play Bayer Leverkusen in the final pre-season friendly before the `best league in the world (tm)` kicks off next weekend.  Normally, given a fair wind, the journey takes about two hours.  Yesterday, three and a half - and that`s going the pretty way, having given up with the M25 at Wisley and turned on to the A3/A31 to rejoin the M3 at Winchester.

It ruined my plans, which had included a visit to my boyhood village of Hythe, getting the ferry from there to Southampton and walking to the stadium,but time was against me, so I had to go straight to the city centre to park so as not to miss a rendezvous with `old` friends before the game.

The journey home was `OK` and I decided to come back the way I went.  I`m beginning to go off motorways anyhow - they`re dull, boring, monotonous and clogged up with traffic.  And at the end of my journey I witnessed a football match which saw the revamped Saints lose 1-0 to the German side, thanks to an unfortunate own goal scored by Saints` new striker, Graziano Pelle, who in the last couple of seasons has scored something like 58 goals in 76 games in the Dutch league, mostly in the right end I imagine.

In many ways, the new Saints team has rekindled the anxieties of the past and reminded me a bit of the M25 - clogged up in midfield, occasional glimpses of open country and with the final destination of burying the ball in the back of the opponents` goal proving ever more elusive.   I suspect the coming season, starting next week away at Liverpool, will be another long and winding road.

BLESS YOU MY SON..

Well, the backlash from our recent encounter with the travelling community lingers on it seems.   The local weekly newspaper was published this morning and it included quite a chunky article about the incident, detailing the experiences of the authorities to get them to move along, the measures taken to clean up the site and the steps being taken to try to prevent a recurrence.  

The article also  included a quote from the local vicar, who reportedly said, "They were good people.  They have a different way of living to the rest of us."   Now I`m quite sure the vicar has been misquoted for surely he has the best interests of his flock at the forefront of his concerns, rather than those of itinerant malcontennts who caused criminal damage, behaved inexcusably and caused great distress to local residents.  Otherwise it raises once again the priorities of Her representatives on Earth.

Also today a letter from no less than four local Borough Councillors has arrived with the intention of clearly setting out the action apparently taken by the Council to resolve the problems caused by the arrival of our travelling friends.  I earnestly hope that this issue is not becoming one which is reduced to political points scoring.   Otherwise it raises once again the innate shallowness of local politicians, who are prone to the misguided notion that local residents/electors are impressed by such defensive gestures.

WELL, ALMOST...

I was out for an evening stroll with Barney our Retriever and we wandered down the lane to where the village green is and as we got there, we were confronted with a steady convoy of smart cars, even smarter caravans and accompanying white vans leaving the area and heading off towards the sunset.   So, Dibley breathes again, as our unwelcome `travelling visitors` have complied with the Court Order, vacated the area they had been illegally occupying for the past week and taken up travelling.

And now the work of repairing damage and quite literally decontaminating the wooded area and much of the stream is under way, we feel that the area is becoming ours once again. Well, almost.  The clean up operation has only been mildly successful with the local Borough Council claiming they have done what they can, there`s nothing more they can do and we must wait for some rain to do the rest.  "I`m from the Council and I`m here to help you!" comes flooding back to my mind.

Now as any significant rain is not forecast until next week at the earliest it means we are still wary of letting children and dogs loose to enjoy the freedom they should have.  On the plus side, `security measures` are being installed to prevent a recurrence of the illegal entry, especially as the travellers and their scouts and outriders have been spotted not a million miles from here.  

I wouldn`t wish their unwelcome presence on anyone but I really do hope we here have seen the last of them.   I`ve got a load of pegs going cheap but the lucky heather is wilting a bit and anyway it doesn`t work.  I should know, I`m a Saints fan!

GREEN AND PLEASANT ?

We are fortunate to live in a small village in Kent.  The photo on the right shows a bit of the village green. Admittedly the photo taken in winter doesn`t really do it justice but in the height of summer it`s a pleasant spot, with a stream running through it, picnic tables and a nice play area for the children and we local residents don`t mind the occasional visitors, parking nearby and letting them and their children enjoy it.

The occasional visitor is one thing but it`s quite a different matter when about 18 `travellers` uproot a gatepost, remove fencing and drive their 18 vehicles, along with caravans and white vans, onto the green.   This happened towards the end of last week and this is what the same area looks like this evening:-

Now of course the local council has followed the correct procedure and is applying for a court order tomorrow so that our visitors can `move along, please.`  That takes time and we all understand that but it`s all the other issues, apart from the trespass, that have caused so much distress to local residents over the weekend.  Issues such as sanitation, or the lack of it resulting in bushes being used for various bodily functions;  public order issues over such things as foul and abusive language to local people, night time disturbances, the contamination of the little stream running through the park and the rubbish and litter all over the site.

And, of course, once our visitors have departed, it will be the local council who have to clean up the mess and return the area to its original state, erect more fencing and gates, all at the expense of the local council taxpayers.

I`m told that `even` the travellers have human rights, which is an intriguing concept as it implies that they have a right to cause criminal damage, effect forced entry and commit a number of offences, whereas the rights of local residents to live in peace and harmony are shattered by those who seem to be able to run roughshod over the law of the land.  To be fair to them, the `authorities` are doing what they can so my recollection of life`s three great lies might be a little unfair.  They are, of course."I`ll respect you in the morning!,"  "The cheque is in the post!," and "I`m from the Council and I`m here to help you!!"

THE OPEN ROAD, PART 2..

Well, our travelling visitors have finally travelled on, having left a good deal of havoc behind them.   Not just their physical effect on the local environment which, incidentally, included the ultimate insult of nicking the rope from around the village cricket square for use as a washing line,  but also the feelings that have been aroused among the Dibley locals.  

Those feelings are, as ever, mixed.   There is relief that the invasion has come to an end but also a feeling of frustration at the inability of `the authorities` to take action more quickly and positively to assist the travellers to `move on.`   Now I realise they may be thwarted by rules and regulations which demand proper process when dealing with any form of eviction and of course there is the issue - of which we here have been reminded in recent days - that the travellers `have rights.`

You hear a lot these days about `rights,` but I fail to see why these travellers should be able to just turn up, park themselves where they please, create mayhem whilst they`re here and leave behind a catalogue of `environmental issues` which have to be cleaned up after them, all at the expense of the local taxpayer.   But of course upholding  the rights of local taxpayers not only come at a price but also seem to come second to those of capricious itinerants.

And so, as their big white 63-Reg. BMW, caravan, trailer and white van depart the scene, our travelling friends have a new direction of travel going forward, supposedly to Essex.   And almost as annoying as their sojourn here in deepest Kent has been, are those two seemingly very modern phrases `direction of travel` and `going forward.` 

Especially `going forward,` which seems to have originated, like so many other abuses of the English language, in America, from whence it has gained a strong foothold over here.   It`s almost as if it`s `cool` to use the phrase, when in reality it is simply annoying, inane and totally meaningless.  For example, when F1 in America appointed Steve Sexton as its President, it was announced that, "He will be a tremendous asset to our operation going forward."  As if F1 can go in any other `direction of travel.`   Maybe they should wake up, smell the coffee and move on at the end of the day.   Just like our recent visitors.

THE OPEN ROAD...

What a peaceful scene.   In days of yore, this would have been a sight more common than it ever is today and it brings back visions of rural tranquillity, of the simple life, free from the pestilence of bureaucracy, with the freedom of the open road awaiting around the next corner.   

Here in Dibley, we have been visited by the modern day equivalent of those genuine, beguiling yet mysterious travellers of old.   A few weeks ago, a very smart and new large BMW arrived on a bit of our parish open space, along with the ubiquitous white van, an equally smart caravan and the `travelling` family made themselves at home.

Local residents were curious, the parish council swung into action by contacting the police, the local district council and the county council on the reasonable assumption that, since the parish council had no powers to get the newcomers to `move along, please,` those other authorities might use the powers at their respective disposal, either as enforcement agencies or landowners.

About four weeks on, nothing has changed except that our visitors have moved a short distance to an even nicer bit of open space, close to a running stream and a children's play area.   Now I know these things take time and there might well be a myriad of bits of legislation and procedure to follow but in the meantime, concerns about such things as `personal hygiene,` litter issues, environmental damage, continue to mount.

Years ago, in a former life, one of my management edicts was, "For God`s sake do something, even if you just say goodbye."   And it strikes me that in the situation we have here, too many `in authority` are frightened to do anything, possibly for fear of offending some namby-pamby human rights nonsense or being accused of not following proper procedure.

What`s needed is for someone to have the courage to follow my edict and just do something which could result in our visitors saying goodbye.   After all, I thought the whole idea of being a traveller, was to travel?

SO THAT`S WHERE THEY`RE HIDING..

Got home yesterday after a fabulous week in the Roseland - superb location, wonderful weather, our favourite coast path walk possible at last now that the bridge at Molunan on the stretch from St. Anthony to Place has been repaired - but the journey home from deepest Cornwall was, how shall I say....interesting.

A3058 - A390 - A38 - M5 - A358 - A303, so far so good.....but that`s when we saw the warning signs flashed in bright letters about severe delays at Stonehenge because of the Solstice thingy with 37,000 pagans and druids doing their thing. So, being ever resourceful, I decided to go through Yeovil on to the A30 which, whilst a bit slower, is a bit more picturesque and it eventually rejoins the A303 around Andover, thus missing out the Solstice throngs.

Made good progress until we saw signs that the A30 was closed at Wilton for road repairs. Now, it`s reasonable to expect diversion signs when you get near the road closure but not this time.  We did eventually reach Wilton, not having seen a diversion sign, but were turned back by a diligent official and told to go back along the A30 the way we came and follow the diversion signs.   To be fair, there were some signs going back that way but the diversion took us all the way back to Shaftesbury, thence down to Blandford Forum, on to Salisbury in the rush hour and eventually to Andover and the relative haven of the A303.

It got worse.  We stopped at Fleet Services only to discover that Waitrose had sold out of yum-yums and arrived home after a journey of over ten hours and 357 miles.   Next time, I`ll know better than to trust diversion signs which seemed to be hiding away in cold storage; but was it worth it?   You bet, just for the delight of the Roseland in mid summer. 

WILLKOMMEN...

This was the scene at Heathrow this morning as Rosa Klebb lookalike German Chancellor Angela Merkel arrived in the UK.   The conversation at Passport Control may well have gone like this:-

"Name, please."

"Angela Merkel."

"Nationality?"

"German."

"Occupation?"

"No, I`m just here for the day!"

DEAR CHRIS...

To Marwell Zoo near Winchester yesterday on a long held promise to my eldest granddaughter, Sarah (21.) She has now ended her three years at Southampton University and all the while she was there she had wanted to go to Marwell Zoo.   She just loves zoos but we never seemed to get round to doing it.

But yesterday I was at last able to fulfil my promise to her and we had a super day blessed with warm summer sunshine.   Marwell is good value - maybe not the most heavily populated zoo but more than enough to have kept us interested for five hours in relaxed, spacious and agreeable surroundings.

There were, of course, examples of a number of endangered species, like the red panda in the photo I took yesterday and, because Marwell is in the general vicinity of Chris Packham`s roots, my mind wandered back a couple of weeks to when we were away in north Cornwall.   On the stretch of coast path between Porthcothan and Treyarnon we came across an area set aside as a kind of reserve for corn buntings.  This bird is a rare sight, with a population of only about 50 or so pairs located in an area between Trevose Head and Pentire Point.

So we were very fortunate to actually see a corn bunting and I was reminded then that Chris Packham had asked viewers to the recent Springwatch series to let him know of any rare bird sightings people might come across.   I was tempted then - and perhaps even more so now following yesterday`s visit and seeing at first hand the results of nature conservation work - to write to Chris Packham and say, "Dear Chris, saw a corn bunting today, errr..... on a corn bunting reserve.  Does that count?"

Well, I`m keen to do my bit for conservation.

Well, our re-entry back into the mad world of south-east England was as fretful as ever.   We had had yet another good week on Cornwall`s Roseland Peninsula - only one wet day and we used the others to resume our affection for the bits of the south-west coast path between Percuil and Nare Head.

Now I`m sure I`m no different to anyone else but I confess to always having mixed feelings about the re-entry.  OK, the week away was good and, as the song goes, it`s awful nice to go trav`lin but so much nicer to come home.  Well, maybe.  Trouble is, the journey of over 300 miles is becoming a bit of a slog.   We left the sleepy, narrow lane above Porthcurnick Beach, turned on to another even narrower one, then the A3078 meandered its way to join the A390 and so to the A38, across the Tamar Bridge into Devon and on to Exeter.   It was there that we were held up by traffic going to the Devon County Show.  Took us over an hour to get free of it;  why can`t they have these County Shows in November when there`s not so much traffic about?

On to the M5, off at Taunton, then the A383 to join the A303, eulogised by Tom Fort and rightly so as it truly is the Highway to the Sun, that is if you`re heading west.   It has a different feel coming back the other way.   We joined the M3 at Basingstoke, which is where the traffic speeds up, courtesy becomes a thing of the past and the rustic charm of our green and pleasant land becomes a distant memory.  On to the M25 where, straddling the Surrey/Kent border, there are long term road works.   God only knows what they`re doing but there are miles of crawling traffic greeted by notices proclaiming that these hold-ups will continue until Autumn 2014!   At last the M26 and finally back home.

Our tiny corner of the south-east hadn`t changed during our week away - it never does really - but the contrast between what we had left behind 300 miles away and what we were presented with on our re-entry is always stark.  From the sound of waves lapping on the shoreline to the screech of the M20, the high-speed rail link and the threat of Boris Island; from the reality of time governed by tides to the absurdity of people governing time.   It might be nice to be home but I wish someone would slow things down, and turn down the volume.

ANOTHER GREAT RIP OFF..

Some years ago, the cost of building the Dartford Crossing on the M25 section between Kent and Essex had been recouped from the tolls on vehicles making the journey.   When the Queen Elizabeth Bridge was first commissioned, a promise was made that, once the cost had been met, then the tolls would be withdrawn and drivers could look forward to using the crossing free of charge.   Sounded fair enough.   Didn`t happen of course.   Yet another Government promise biting the dust.

Over the years, the tolls have increased and so too has the volume of traffic to the extent that long delays are now caused primarily due to the `mechanics` of collecting the tolls at toll booths.   Now, in a flash of inspired thinking the Government has decided not only to increase the tolls yet again but also to introduce a system of collecting tolls by means of `vehicle registration identification.`   This will require tolls to be paid in advance, either using shops, the internet or mobile phones and if you don`t pay up then watch out for a hefty fine of up to £180.

Ministers insist that this new arrangement, scheduled to start in 2014, is the only way to speed up the traffic flow and that the imposition of fines is the only way to ensure that tolls are collected.   So what if, like me, you don`t use a mobile phone?   What happens if you don`t have internet access or find it difficult to get to a shop?   There must be thousands who will be inconvenienced by these proposals and who may give up using the crossing altogether - maybe that`s the Government`s cunning plan?

So here`s another simplistic Snopper-esque solution - if the Government are so concerned  to reduce the traffic snarl-ups and reduce journey time, then just do away with the tolls anyway, which will have the combined effects of keeping the traffic moving, keeping drivers happy and, most important of all, keeping the promise we were given all those years ago.   Too simple, I know, especially for a Government who can`t resist another great rip off when they see one.