WHERE TO NOW ?

As the clock ticks down to the UK`s departure from the EU things seem to get more and more confusing, perplexing, bewildering and unclear.  At least as far as Members of Parliament are concerned as they grapple with the conflicting demands of Theresa May`s so-called `deal,` the prospect of a `no deal,` whether to extend Article 50, whether to pursue some kind of customs union, what to do about the Irish border and its `backstop,` whether to risk a `People`s Vote` and so on and on and on.......

There was a time when UK politics was pretty straight forward - there was a limited choice of which party to vote for - Labour, Tory, Lib-Dems and the odd nationalist party if you lived outside Engerland.    Nowadays Brexit has all but destroyed those traditional harbours of choice which have all but fractured under the weight of indecision, divided loyalty and blind ambition.   It`s a sorry spectacle and it raises the question - if, heaven forbid another General Election is called in the near future - whether there is anyone left to vote for.

The Labour Party is riven with all kinds of issues and their lurch to the left makes them pretty unattractive;  the Tories are split into all kinds of factions, none of which are especially attractive either;  the Lib Dems have become an irrelevance;  the Green Party are simply bonkers and the SNP and Plaid Cymru don`t want to be in the UK anyway.  UKIP have mercifully disappeared although I hear that a new Brexit Party is being formed under the alleged leadership of Nige.   

So, where to now?   Staying away from polling stations seems a waste of the right to vote but seriously there seems no-one and no `party` which inspires any sort of confidence.  Spoiling the ballot paper might make me feel a bit better for a fleeting moment but it will simply be a vote wasted.   

What`s needed is a fresh political start - a new party that might concentrate on the real priorities which concern the masses - perhaps a Football Party or a Soap Watching Party or a Strictly Bake-off Party might not only have an appeal but also be able to home in on the things that seems to matter to most people these days.

Failing that, I`ve often been attracted to some kind of benevolent dictatorship, possibly headed up by Joanna Lumley.  At least we would understand what she says.

ENOUGH OF THE NONSENSE..

Firstly, a disclaimer.  I do not buy or read the Sun newspaper - I have merely nicked this image of one of their front pages for illustrative purposes connected with the following rant.

Now as I understand it, whoever is Prime Minister attends Buckingham Palace each week (possibly on Thursdays) to have a discussion with the Queen and have the benefit of Her Majesty`s advice.  The conversations must be riveting, especially these days when the country is in such a state of confusion, turmoil and uncertainty about its future.

I realise also that these weekly get-togethers are strictly confidential, so one is left simply to speculate about the nature of recent conversations concerning the ongoing Brexit nonsense.  I just wonder if it goes something like this:-

HM : "Well, Prime Minister, how`s this Brexit thing coming along?"

PM :  "It`s proving a little difficult, your Majesty.  There are a few problems at the moment, Ma`am.  After over two years of negotiation I thought we had a deal with our European partners setting out the terms of our withdrawal from the EU.  Trouble is, parliament didn`t like it, half of my party didn`t like it, the opposition party didn`t like it nor the LibDems, the Scottish Nationalists, the DUP from Northern Ireland, Plaid Cymru from Wales, a few Independents and that Green woman.  And loads of people who voted leave don`t like it much, nor loads who voted remain.  So I lost the vote in the Commons by quite a distance."

HM : "Oh dear, so what are you doing to put things right?"

PM : "Well, Ma`am, it`s tricky.  There are conflicting opinions about the Northern Ireland backstop, whether to go back to the EU and try to tweak the agreement over such things as staying in the customs union which would mean we can`t negotiate trade deals with countries outside the EU; whether to stay in the single market which might not mean ending free movement; whether to have no agreement at all and just pull out of the EU at the end of March with all the economic uncertainty that might bring;  whether to have a second referendum which a lot of people want as they didn`t like the result of the first one and other issues as well.  Trouble is, Ma`am, the EU have said they will not renegotiate the agreement.  So at the moment I`m talking to representatives across all political parties to see if there is any chance of any common ground which we might put before the EU and parliament to see if we can achieve an agreed way forward before we leave the EU on 29th March.  So it`s all a bit difficult and I wonder if you might have any advice you can offer me Ma`am to help resolve the many conundrums and impasses I`m currently facing."

HM : "Oh dear, Mrs, May, a bit of a pig`s ear really and one is not terribly amused. So surely the time has come for someone to bite the bullet and offer firm, decisive leadership.  Now, last time I looked I was still the Queen of Great Britain and Northern Ireland and, as the Sun suggested, I could do with getting my country back.   So I`ve decided to take charge of the situation and issue a series of Sovereign Commands that will make it clear that we will become an independent country in every respect as from the date you had in mind.  Enough of the nonsense.   I had been thinking about it, so I texted my decision to Philip yesterday afternoon to let him know.  Bit of a surprise for him - he pranged the Land Rover when he got the message but he`s OK.  I`ll turn up at Westminster next week and read out a new Queen`s Speech so that everyone knows what`s going to happen.  Happy?  Perhaps you would like Philip to drive you home?"

AWAY FROM IT ALL..

I suppose I should be over the moon following the surprise result in the EU Referendum - after all, I`ve been going on about it for some years now.  And, of course, I welcome the choice the British people have made to put  priceless democracy above narrow self-interest.  As a result, we seem to be embarking on a bit of a mystery tour;  where will it take us?  Where will it end? With Dave calling it a day, who will be the next Prime Minister?  And, unlike the neanderthal Gordon Brown, whoever it is must surely call an early election in order to legitimise his or her Premiership. 

The Scots, led by the dogged nationalism of Jimmy Crankie will surely use that opportunity to demand another referendum on Scotland remaining part of the United Kingdom - and maybe Northern Ireland will jump on the same bandwagon too.  And across the Channel, demands in the Netherlands for the Dutch to have their own Nexit, the Danes a Dexit, the French a Frexit seem to be gaining momentum on the back of Brexit.

So, we have a good deal of mayhem ahead - there may be teardrops to shed ;  but while there`s moonlight and laughter and love and romance, I feel like getting away from it all for a while.  Somewhere like Portloe, where I took this photo about a month ago and where all the sound and the fury seems not to matter quite as much.   Well, I did promise some nice photos.......

THE FINAL COUNTDOWN...

As this extraordinary `campaign` for the EU Referendum reaches the final countdown in the next few days, I hope I`m not alone in being fed up with all the claims and counter claims, the confusion of statistics, promises, pledges, forecasts, reports and `expert opinion.`

For me at least, whilst determinedly hanging on to the courage of my convictions, I wonder if our `leaders` realise that the more I feel I am being treated as some lectured, threatened, bullied and dimwitted peasant, the more determined I become to resist all of that and cast my vote in the opposite way to that which I am being hectored to do.

Come Friday when, thank God it will all be over, I suspect that once again I will find myself not only in a minority but also disappointed at the outcome.   But, hey, I`m a Saints fan and I know all there is to know about disappointment and bewilderment, especially now that the Chairman of the Premier League has today confirmed that `all 20 clubs currently in the Premier League are in favour of remaining in the EU.`  Well, that`s that then.  I`ll go back to posting some nice photos and some decent music.

THE ULTIMATE THREAT.....

Now, let me see if I`ve got this right.   Vote to leave the EU on 23 June and I`m told that these things are likely to happen:-

The UK economy will shrink

Our trading links with EU countries will be drastically affected
Foreign investment in the UK will be seriously reduced

Public services - especially the NHS - will have to be cut back
Taxes will rise

People will lose their jobs

Wages will be lower

House prices will fall

Security will be diminished

War might break out in Europe

Britain will lose its place of influence in the world despite being members of NATO and permanent members of the UN Security Council

Pensions will be reduced

The value of shares will plummet

The value of the pound will plummet

Holidays in Europe will be more expensive

......and so on and on and on and on.....

The threats are clearly building up and, as Referendum Day approaches, I quite expect them to continue and multiply.   It really would not surprise me to hear before long that we will have the ultimate threat of all.  You know the one.  Verbal Kint will tell us all, "If you vote Brexit, Keyser Soze will come and get you."   

INTERESTING TIMES..

Today of all days, the well thumbed, 2,000 year old quotation from Roman courtier Gaius Petronius somehow seems entirely fitting.   Here it is:-

"We trained hard, but it seemed that every time we were beginning to form up into teams, we would be reorganised.   I was to learn later in life that we tend to meet any new situation by reorganizing;  and what a wonderful method it can be for creating the illusion of progress whilst merely producing confusion, inefficiency and demoralisation."

And newly elected Labour Leader Jeremy Corbyn`s first task will be to reorganize the Party and form a team to reflect his vision of how things should be.   He and his new Deputy, the Witchfinder General Tom Watson, will form an interesting left sided midfield with Corbyn the scheming playmaker  and Watson the battling, combative enforcer.

Now given the lack of support for Jezza among the Parliamentary Party, I suspect we`ll see the return of a kitchen cabinet made up of like minded individuals acting as a focus group for Corbyn`s policies and strategies.   As his first act following the Leadership announcement was to join a rally in support of the refugees, I think we can have a pretty informed guess as to who his kitchen cabinet might include.

The inescapable Benedict Cumberbatch, one-hit wonder Billy Bragg, queen luvvie Emma Thompson, mother hen Polly Toynbee and I quite expect Bob (`I don`t like Mondays`) Geldof to be incapable of resisting a jump onto Corbyn`s bandwagon.  Dave Cameron must think Christmas has come early and the LibDems, gathering in the local phone box might be harbouring dreams of escaping the bottom of their particular barrel.   Perhaps the most intriguing and -  for middle England Luddites like me - the most encouraging aspect is that Corbyn`s Eurosceptic credentials might add weight to the `Leave` campaign in the European Referendum.   I suspect Nige is waiting the phone call already.

Whatever happens, the interesting times in which we find ourselves are going to get a whole lot more interesting.  Much of it will be illusory, of course, but in the ranks of the Labour Party faithful, confusion, inefficiency and demoralisation might once more prove the wisdom of the Roman courtier`s assertion.  

MUST TRY HARDER...

I admit to knowing very little about politics and I have never joined any political party; neither am I likely to with the possible exception of the Football Party or, at a push, Mebyon Kernow.   But it`s hard not to get interested in the contest for the leadership of what`s left of the Labour Party.  I suspect that what troubles me most about it - and which we keep hearing - is that whoever wins will lead Her Majesty`s Loyal Opposition in Parliament and, as such and in theory at least, become a potential Prime Minister.

So, what are the choices?  Well, taking them in the order of the photo above, first there`s Liz Kendall.  She seems very well educated (Queens College, Cambridge and all that) and has five years experience as an MP.  Seems a nice lady but I`m left, unfairly I`m sure, with the impression that she should be back at home doing the ironing rather than pursuing the self delusion that one day she might be Prime Minister.  Maybe it`s significant that until the recent General Election she was `in a relationship` with a Welsh stand up comedian.

Yvette Cooper worries me.  She is really Mrs. Balls but chooses not to use her married name, presumably in a desperate attempt to distance herself, at least professionally, from Ed Balls, recent shadow Chancellor and who can blame her?.   Yvette is desperately intense and, despite her Cambridge and Harvard education, gives the impression of a startled chicken caught in the headlights of her own self importance.  

There`s a lot of angst about the prospect of Jeremy Corbyn actually winning the leadership contest.  There`s almost panic in the air that a democratic process might produce the wrong result but I get the feeling that at least he is perfectly genuine and consistent in his beliefs and maybe that`s what scares the pants off his opponents who may find such qualities to be quite alien.

Andy Burnham seems to be the ultimate chancer - involved in so many things, so many causes, so many populist campaigns that it`s difficult to detect whether he really stands for anything in particular or simply blows with the wind - "happy to have Jeremy in my team," he says..   Anyway, he`s an Everton fan and I don`t like Everton, who stuffed the Saints 3-0 on Saturday.

So it`s all a bit depressing really, especially when we need a good, strong, credible Opposition to provide a serious counterpoint to the rampant Tory Government.  I`m not sure we`ll get that with any of the candidates on offer.  Must try harder.

LET`S GET REAL...

It`s interesting that the two female candidates for the Labour Leadership have started to play the `sexist` card in their increasingly desperate attempts to fend off the challenges from the two male candidates.   In many ways the whole thing is not only a bit of a shambles but also is becoming more entertaining, especially with the advent of Jeremy Corbyn who at least seems to believe in what he is saying even if no-one else does.

But Yvette Cooper - aka Mrs. Balls - has lead the counter offensive by asserting that both she and Liz Something, the other lady involved, are perfectly capable and certainly strong enough to lead the party and become Prime Minister, despite what Blair crony Lord Falconer may suggest.

She may be right but as she seems loath to stay at home and comfort Mr. Balls and the Balls children in their time of need following his own election defeat, perhaps she might consider the reality of how things were back in the day, when things were nicely straightforward.  Here`s what I mean:-

AGAINST THE TIDE..

So we`re off and running then.  The Great General Election Campaign has begun and already I`m tired of all the noise, the sniping, the accusations, the insults and the media frenzy.   Now there seems to be an assumption that one of the two `major parties` will be governing us after May 7th, improbably on their own with a workable majority or in coalition with some other outfit, some `minor party,` intent on grasping the greasy pole, unable to resist the lure of `power` for its own sake and seducing us with platitudes and false promises.

Does it have to be like that?  Well, maybe it does given the unwillingness of the electorate to see beyond the cross on the ballot paper.   Now my `problem` - if that`s what it is - is that I can`t find it in my heart to support either of the `major parties.`   Been there, done that and most of the time I`ve followed the unthinking, meandering herd and inevitably been disappointed.   So this time I`m determined to vote for someone different.  I don`t know who yet and I`m pretty sure it won`t make much difference anyway - maybe things would be different if voting was compulsory or there were boxes on the ballot paper such as `None of the above` or `You`re having a laugh.`   If only there was a Football Party.

So I`ll be swimming against the tide, I suspect.  But when I do so, it will be as a result of a genuine conviction, which is that I am desperate for change.  Change in the way we are `governed,` change in the way our `leaders` are selected and change in the assumptions that the political elite have developed and protected for themselves over the years.

My conviction will doubtless be doomed to failure - it might be pointless, a futile gesture even.....but in sticking by it at least I will be making my small challenge to the status quo and the inherent smugness of our political `leaders.`   But what if we all did it?

SUCH ARE PROMISES..

Today, mercifully, we had the last Prime Minister`s Questions in Parliament before the General Election in just 43 days time.  Suddenly, however, 43 days seems an awfully long time because, as one chapter drew to a close today, the next one in the pre-election cacophony arrives.    PMQs today showed up this weekly joust for what it really is - a set piece of yah-boo politics, claim and counter claim, questions asked but seldom answered and all conducted in an atmosphere that would see schoolchildren in class kept behind for detention (do they still do that these days, I wonder?)  if they behaved like we saw today from the Honourable and Right Honourable Members.  

We`ve already had the start of it - people we have never seen before banging on the door, asking if there`s anything they can do for us, leaflets being handed out or stuffed through the letter box.  And it`s going to get an awful lot worse, of course, what with TV coverage, `debates` - nothing too serious, mind you, just yet more points scoring and personal attacks - more leaflets, more unwelcome visits from party activists armed with little more than a handful of promises.  They could do worse than remember the lyrics of Paul Simon`s Boxer, then perhaps they might escape the illusion that what they have to say is in any way relevant to the man on the Clapham Omnibus:-

I have squandered my resistance

For a pocketful of mumbles

Such are promises.

All lies and jest

Still, a man hears what he wants to hear

And disregards the rest.

We may now have escaped the onslaught of PMQs, replete with stifling heat but woefully lacking in any chink of light, only to find we are locked in a 43 day assault on our patience, our senses and our intelligence.  Happy days!

A MATTER OF CONVENIENCE ?..

It`s that time of year when the various local authorities and agencies are beginning to announce their Council Tax plans for the coming financial year.   The good news is that our local Parish Council has decided not to increase its precept at all this coming year but the less good news is that both the County Council and the local District Council are each raising their share of the Council Tax by 1.99%.   (Goodness knows what the Police and other `agencies` might do but it all adds up.)

Now 1.99% is something of a magic figure.   If the councils want to go just that bit further and make it 2% then they would have to call a referendum to see what us Council Taxpayers think about that.   So they have dodged that issue - some might call it a cop out - by sticking to the highest increase possible without the need for a referendum.  The downside of a referendum is that the councils would have to bear the costs of organising it which in turn would mean that the Council tax payers end up paying anyway. 

So I`m not too sure whether I`m in favour of the 1.99% tactic or whether I wouldn`t prefer a referendum anyway.  But one thing I do know is that I feel almost cheated by this financial and political sleight of hand; it smacks of a matter of convenience; all a bit sneaky.  Whatever it may be, I`m left with a feeling of being denied the opportunity to have a direct say about the council proposals.  In the absence of a referendum it`s reminiscent of the calls for a referendum on Britain`s membership of the EU, where we haven`t had a vote since 1974.

Once again I am reminded of the three great fibs of life - the cheque is in the post; I`ll respect you in the morning; and I`m from the council and I`m here to help you.

AT TIMES LIKE THIS...

This is a photo I took last October when we were staying at Trebetherick on Cornwall`s north coast.   It`s a tranquil scene, quiet weather, an almost deserted beach and just a glimpse of Pentire Point to tempt the more adventurous.  What could be better for getting away from it all and allowing yourself to be both captivated and captured by the elements of nature, the absence of pressure and the demands of time?

And I see today that Prime Minister Dave Cameron has had to leave Polzeath, Trebetherick and Daymer Bay behind and return to London to be seen to be directing the UK`s response to the latest in a string of appalling events in the Middle East.   Now, he must have wanted the job and he got it and for some years now he has been involved with a seemingly endless list of crises, some financial, some political, some diplomatic, some simply borne of the world in which we live.  

No wonder he likes to get away with his family and where better to unwind than on the Cornish coast which is clearly one of his favourite destinations.  It might be rubbing it in to announce that at the end of next week we`ll be heading for the same area, doing the coast path walks and just enjoying being where we like to be, doing what we like doing. And of course I have the benefit of knowing that it`s highly unlikely that my visit there will be interrupted by being recalled to sort out some great issue of state.

I never thought I would admit to this, but at times like this I might just feel a little sorry for our Prime Minister having to leave his family and the tranquillity of Trebetherick behind and I wonder if he ever thinks whether all the trappings of office are worth it and whether he would rather be watching the sun go down over Stepper Point with John Betjeman`s words lulling in his ear:-

And in the shadowless unclouded glare

Deep blue above us fades to whiteness where

A misty sea-line meets the wash of air.

It may be a forlorn hope that the trials of the world might subside enough to allow our Prime Minister to resume where he was forced to leave off....but I hope so, not just for his sake but also the rest of us.

TOO MUCH TO ASK ?

I suppose at my age I should know better but it seems that the older I get the more frustrating things become.   And important things too.   For example, the Chilcot Inquiry into the run-up to the Iraq War, which is already four years late thanks to a ridiculous wrangle between the Inquiry team and the unelected chief mandarin, Sir Jeremy Heywood.

The argument was all about the release of communications between Tony Blair and George Bush with Heywood citing confidentiality and compromise to the so-called `special relationship` between whoever might be the future US President and the UK Prime Minister.   Last week, in a blaze of indifference, reports emerged of a deal whereby the `gist` of some of those communications could be released but not the actual detail of what went on.   Fudge masquerading as progress.   What will now follow is the extraordinary process of `Maxwellisation` whereby anyone likely to be remotely criticised by the Inquiry will be sent drafts of the Inquiry report and invited to submit comments which might be reflected in the final report.

And so it goes on and despite indications that the final report might appear `before the end of the year` I`ll believe it when I see it - or what`s left of it following doubtless copious `redaction`, aka censorship.   Sometimes the truth seems forever out of reach and I wonder if it`s too much to ask for people to have the courage to tell it like it is - or was in this case - and understand that `the public` will be more impressed with honesty, however painful, than with obfuscation and denial.

It`s the same with the often promised referendum on the EU.   We are seriously supposed to believe that IF the Tories get back into power after next year`s General Election, IF Dave Cameron can successfully renegotiate Britain`s relationship with the EU and IF the other 27 EU countries led by German Chancellor Angela Merkel will all agree to Cameron`s demands then we will have a referendum in 2017 which the Tories will campaign for the UK to stay in Europe anyway.   

It`s all Alice in Wonderland stuff.  Once again, reality seems to be elusive and out of reach and I wonder if it`s too much to ask that politicians might one day keep their manifesto promises and for once, just once, heed the frustrations and expectations of those they claim to represent.   

But then I`m a Saints fan, so I know all about frustration and expectation, don`t I?  To be fair.

ADDING INSULT TO INJURY..

This is Professor John Curtice, FRSA, FRSE, who is alleged to be what is intriguingly known as `an academic.`   He is currently Professor of Politics at the University of Strathclyde and is reported to be particularly interested in electoral behaviour and researching political and social attitudes.

He turned up last evening on BBC News 24 giving us the benefit of his wisdom following the local council election results.   He admitted that UKIP`s success had been `a remarkable achievement.   The party`s vote is proving to be highest in wards with more older people, fewer graduates and few ethnic minorities,` he opined.   He then went on to suggest that the reverse was true in London, where UKIP had not performed as well and where voters tended to be `more intelligent` than in the rest of the country.   Seriously. I`m fairly sure he didn`t make it up.

It`s really quite astonishing but perhaps not all that surprising that these remarks go unnoticed and unreported (possibly because not many people watch BBC News 24 midway through a Friday evening) but they strike me as being at least as offensive as anything we heard during the election campaign.   But I think what his comments do confirm is that London has almost become a country of its own, separated from the rest of the UK by its own unique `culture,` its own demography, its inward looking assumed entitlement and self importance.  

In Curtice`s world, it seems the rest of the UK is populated by dimwitted forelock-touching bumpkins who have failed to come to terms with the reality of life in modern day Britain. There might be an argument that suggests a generational divide as much as anything else, with an increasingly elderly population who find it difficult to acknowledge changes in social behaviour, but that does not mean that they are therefore less intelligent or perceptive than inhabitants of the great smoke.  They`re just older and having been injured by the crass assumptions that surfaced during the election campaign, they now find themselves insulted by the kind of sweeping assertions that could only come from `an academic.` 
  

IF ONLY...

So, it`s the morning after the elections for the EU and some local councils.   Counting for the council seats hasn`t finished yet and the EU count doesn`t start until Sunday but already the signs here in the UK are pretty clear.   UKIP look to have done very well indeed but already the predictable clichés are being spouted from the Westminster bubble. 

"UKIP are a one-man band....a one issue party.....racist views.....a mid-term protest vote.....we`ll learn the lessons....come the General Election next year voters will return to the main parties....."     And so it goes on and it`s all very tiresome.  We`ve heard it all before.

Yes, there is a year almost to the day before the next General Election and it promises to be a year of living stressfully, mainly for voters who now face the prospect of a year of yet more abuse hurled at anyone who actually has the nerve to hold views contrary to those of the `main parties,` The Guardian or the BBC, such is the tolerance of our `society.`   And yet I detect a change of attitude towards `the establishment.`   People seem genuinely tired of the same old same old and I`m not sure they are prepared any longer to be treated with the kind of disdain and contempt dished out over recent years from Thatcher to Blair to Brown to Clegg and Cameron.   

They may view these results as yet another in a long line of wake-up calls but if there is one lesson that should really be learnt it is that votes will not be garnered by those who insist on school-yard bullying, on personal attack after personal attack and on continuing to deny the genuine and heartfelt concerns of  a sizeable number of `ordinary` voters.

So, what with all this facing us in the year ahead, never mind the World Cup, the Saints in apparent meltdown and Big Sam still in charge at the Boleyn, I`ll be looking for a stress free zone of my own. If only.......