A few weeks ago I made a solemn promise not to mention the corona virus and all its works on these pages and, apart from the odd passing reference whilst posting about other subjects, by and large I think I have kept to that promise.   In similar vein, I really have no interest in or desire to post too much about the latest kerfuffle involving the royal family and Harry and Meghan.  I will just recall, however, that quite a few moons ago now I did a piece or two about the Harry/Meghan thing - it might have been at the time of the wedding - and I suggested then that I felt there might be trouble ahead.  Well, I wasn`t wrong. (Using the search thingy at the top, search `Not quite Right` and scroll down to the post for 14 February,  2018.  Ironically, that was Valentines Day!)

Now of course there has been an outburst of comment and opinion across just about every media outlet you can think of.  Newspapers of all persuasions are full of it, social media has apparently gone into meltdown and TV and radio is going on about it with reports, analysis, pros, cons and opinions from `opinion formers` and the new profession of `influencers.`  I sat down yesterday lunchtime, turned on BBC news and the Harry/Meghan thing took up the first 20 minutes of the half hour bulletin.   No wonder there was no time to report more on Che Adams` 25 yard screamer against Sheffield United.

So, whilst I might have my own opinions I can see little point in going on about it in this blog and  probably boring you yet more in the process.  No, I`ve come to the conclusion that it really is not something that I want to get involved in or hearing any more about.  In the end, it`s a family affair for the royal family to live with, sort out and get on with.  Good luck with that.

It was as long ago as February 2018 that I had a bit of a rant about Princess Meghan - here`s the link to that post - https://snoppersays.blogspot.com/search?q=The+Brothers+Grimm. (Click on the link and scroll down to the second post that appears after this one.)

 That post was called `Not Quite Right` and I ended up by suggesting that, for all the usual hullabaloo that surrounds the royal family, there was `something not quite right` about the Meghan and Harry thing.   It was no more than a suspicion at the time, but here we are nearly a year and a half on and, if anything, my suspicions have been confirmed by the extraordinary news that Meggy is the guest editor of `Vogue` magazine and has produced a list of sixteen women whom she admires the most in today`s world.

Now I have vaguely heard of Vogue magazine but I confess that I have never even glanced at it and it has almost completely passed me by.  Not sure I`ve missed much as it seems to be a magazine devoted to high fashion, a dedicated follower of which I have never been and am not likely to become.   I guess it  has a limited audience, mainly among those who dwell in the rarefied atmosphere of haute couture and perhaps those who may be more than a little removed from the real world.  So maybe it`s not surprising that Meghan`s 16 worthies are largely unheard of, not to say irrelevant, to the rest of us.

So who are these `women?   Well, to be fair I have actually heard of two or three of them - Jane Fonda; actress, political activist,  model and fitness guru, still going strong at 81.  Then there is sixteen year old Swedish `climate change activist` Greta Thunberg who is responsible for sparking the school strikes across 112 countries to ram home the climate change mantra.  She has also addressed MPs in Parliament and is nominated for a Nobel Prize this year.   (I think that when I was 16 I was having a real good time, enjoying life and revelling in new experiences and I hate to think of the trouble I would have been in had I started school strikes and had the youthful arrogance  to make a global nuisance of myself.)     The third of the`women`I have heard of is one truly to admire - Jacinda Ardern, Prime Minister of that thoroughly admirable country New Zealand..  

As for the rest of them, there is a 19 year old who has risen from being a child refugee to a supermodel;  a rising star wanting to end racial prejudice; a DJ who is at war with fat shaming; a writer fighting gender injustice; another model who is also a mental health campaigner; a star of the royal ballet; a Somali who boxed to beat bullies; a catwalk legend caring for mothers; an apparent film star with a social conscience; someone who made fashion `more exclusive;` another actress who is an LGBT activist and a US sitcom actress  intent on encouraging voter turnout.

Now of course that panoply of worthiness is the kind that can only be found in the world which Meghan and her cronies inhabit and know about - all very vague which seems all very `Vogue.`  But if anything, it all confirms to me that almost anything connected with Megs somehow isn`t quite right.  

I wonder how long it will last.

IS IT SAFE TO COME OUT NOW?

Having shown great  initiative over the past few days I can report that I managed to avoid just about anything to do with the royal wedding - couldn`t bring myself to watch any of of it on TV although it was hard to avoid things like news bulletins, highlights programmes and a seemingly endless array of references to the great event even on programmes that were supposedly nothing to do with it. 

And for the first time in years I refused to buy a Sunday newspaper in the hope of avoiding the 32-page supplements and all the other fawning nonsense that surrounds royal occasions.  Well, there wasn`t going to be  much football to read about which was a pity as I thought the achievements of teams such as Thatcham Town in the FA Vase final and Brackley in the FA Trophy final deserved at least a bit of coverage.

So I wondered if this morning it was safe to come out now, only to discover a couple of yet more troubling bits of nonsense.  We now have a Duchess of Sussex - yeah, right - who has pronounced herself to be "a woman and a feminist."   Well I knew about the first bit but the second bit made me wonder whether I should not declare to the world that I am a man and a masculinist.   Or maybe I should crawl back under my stone until it really has all died down.

  Picked up the newspaper this morning and, quite rightly, the main headlines were concerned with the attempted murder in Salisbury of a former Russian spy and his daughter.   Other issues appearing on today`s front pages were inevitably concerned with Brexit, which really can`t come quick enough.

But plastered across the top of at least one newspaper was emblazoned the information that `Meghan is baptised into Church of England with holy water from the River Jordan.`  Alongside it was a photo of the said Meghan looking dutifully demure with a fixed grin and eyes like limpid pools gazing into a predictable future.

This private ceremony was conducted by the Archbishop of Canterbury at the Chapel Royal, St. James`s Palace and is reported to have marked "an important step in her transformation from divorced Catholic American actress  to future grand-daughter-in-law to the Queen."  Her baptism, with water from the River Jordan from the Royal Family font being poured over Meghan`s head,  was immediately followed by her confirmation, thus overcoming a tricky obstacle in advance of her marriage to Prince Harry in May.

And so another royal family interlude leaves me wondering whether the report was for real, another wind-up, yet another chapter in life`s intriguing fairy tales or the latest in the long line of tales from `You couldn`t make it up.` 

Beam me up, Scotty!

.....but I`m not sure what it is.   It might be that, for the very first time, I find myself at least partly in agreement with Ann Widdecombe with whom, over the years, I have taken issue over such items as her MPs` expenses and her cringe inducing appearances in those bastions of civilised culture that are Strictly Come Dancing, Celebrity Big Brother and assorted pantomimes.

However, during a recent interview, she said she was `worried` about Meghan Markle, suggesting that the foreign, mixed race, divorced catholic who is allegedly brightening up our lives with her impending marriage to Prince Harry, is `trouble`due to her `background and attitude.`  Moreover, La Widdecombe has now questioned the wisdom of fast tracking Ms. Markle from Catholicism into the Church of England in order to overcome a matrimonial obstacle.

Ms. Widdecombe goes on, saying "Hang on a second, Archbishop of Canterbury - was Ms. Markle already planning to avail herself of these sacraments because she had been converted to such beliefs, or is this just a matter of form now that she is marrying a royal?  Surely that is a question that matters."   Writing in the Catholic Herald, she continues, "Had the Church taken into account the previous marriage and divorce?  But that just pales into insignificance beside the question of baptism and confirmation, both of which sacraments require commitment and belief.  Where is the evidence Miss Markle would have adopted such procedures had she not been about to marry a prince of the realm....a wedding is holy matrimony, not just a gigantic fancy dress parade."

So there we have it.  Now, it seems reasonable to ask the question as to why and how the sudden change from the Brothers Grimm to Hans Christian Anderson has occurred so quickly, so nice one Ann Widdecombe.   But today I see there is more Markle news.   She is reported to have secretly been `comforting` the survivors of the Grenfell fire disaster, which I am sure is indeed a great comfort to them.  But I wonder if, once again, yet another delicious irony has been overlooked as she dispenses her comfort dressed in a £1995 coat over a pair of £290 trousers.

Something is not quite right somewhere in all of this.

JUST ASKING.....

I just wonder what the English roses have done to be overlooked in favour of a foreign, catholic, feminist, divorced commoner of mixed race.  Just asking, that`s all.

50 YEARS ON..

In between grass mowing, gardening, etc.,I just caught a fleeting glance of yesterday`s events and happened to notice the sparkling Pippa Middleton, Kate`s younger sister, all dressed in virginal white and looking very special.... and I wondered.   At first I wondered what my chances might have been had I been 50 years younger and then I remembered that 50 years ago Mrs. Snopper toddled up the aisle of Platt Church, all dressed in virginal white and looking very special.

50 years on, the virginal white might have faded a little but she still looks very special and so all I wish now is that I was 50 years younger and could do it all again.    So I think I`ll leave Pippa Middleton to Prince Harry - they seem to get on rather well, she with her engaging smile and he with his mischievous grin and mop of ginger hair.   I can`t think who he reminds me of.

POMP, CIRCUMSTANCE AND DELUSIONS OF ADEQUACY..

Well, Friday tomorrow and the big wedding.   Seems to me that with the exception of myself and my mate up the road, the whole nation is going wedding bonkers.   Hordes of media people have arrived from all over the globe, the BBC has allocated over 800 staff to bring the wedding into every home in the land either via television, countless radio stations, even more regional programmes, online, twitter, f***book, semaphore, alldis lamp and any other media outlet you care to name.   So it`s wall to wall coverage.   Never has QVC been more inviting.

Now, we`re told that it won`t cost much, as a large chunk of the expense will be met by the happy couple and their rather well to do families.   However, we taxpayers are having to meet the cost of `security,` which will clearly run into £millions, and no doubt a load of other `incidentals` the details of which are likely to be covered by a super injunction so we`ll never know how much.

But I think my most troublesome beef is the sheer incongruity between all the pomp and pageantry, all the lords-a leaping, the ladies dancing and the golden rings set against the true state in which this country of ours finds itself.   For a long time now we have been something of a spent force.   We are demonstrating all the classic signs of an empire having declined and been lost.   To that extent, we are simply following the pattern of history which tells us that every empire there has ever been enters decline and fall and that we have not been immune to that inevitability.

And yet we kid ourselves that we are still a great power in the world, that we have a role to play on the wider stage, that we have influence over world affairs when the reality is that our economy has been shot to pieces and our military strength is close to breaking point, despite which we still rush headlong into conflicts that these days are either best left alone or better left to others.   We have social decline on a massive scale, a national morality that has seen better days and a here and now, me-me society which brings despair to whole generations.

And yet, somehow, we find the money, the time and the inclination to get excited about a royal wedding, with all its class ridden pretension that is so out of place with our millions of unemployed, our housing crises, our benefits culture and our armed forces dying in a corner of some foreign field that will forever never be England.   If there was any sense of proportion, reason or propriety, then Wills and Kate would be directed to the nearest Registry Office, blessed and wished well but invited to have their moment quietly and humbly with friends and family.

So I`ll give tomorrow`s fol-de-rols a miss, thank you very much and whilst I`m sure the majority will rail against my rantings, I am equally sure that there are quite a lot out there like me and my mate up the road who have better things to do tomorrow than get immersed in this costly and unnecessary distraction. The grass needs mowing, but I just know it`s going to rain.  That`ll teach me!



TWO WORDS....

Went to B&Q yesterday to get some stuff.  As ever, there was a long queue for the one checkout that was actually working.   It reminded me of the Karma Sutra method of dealing with queues in Banks - lots of different positions, but only one of them works.

Anyway, when my turn came, the pleasant and helpful lady at the till asked, "Could I interest you in a couple of Royal Wedding gnomes?" pointing to the collection of rather woebegone Kate and Wills lookalike gnomes next to the till.   "I`m afraid you can`t," I replied, but I went on to enquire whether anyone had actually bought any.  "Not yet," came the answer, "but we`ve been set a challenge by the management today to sell as many as we can."   At which point, whilst feeling deeply sympathetic, it took all my powers of determination to resist.   But resist I did.

It seems these gnomes were especially commissioned by B&Q for the Royal Wedding and I found a website which is promoting them.   Among the details, it claims that "Cute and adorable are just two words one can use to describe the rosy cheeked gnomes."  

How about naff and tacky?

NOT JUST ME THEN...

No, I haven`t received one of these, probably based on the fact that years ago I politely turned down an invitation to a Buck House Garden Party, simply on the basis that I didn`t want to go.   As far as the upcoming Royal Wedding is concerned, I had in mind to declare Snopper Street a Royal Wedding Free Zone.   A no go area.

And then along comes our Dibley-esque Parish Council with a general invitation to a STREET PARTY ON THE GREEN to celebrate the Royal Wedding.   But close inspection of their invitation page in the Parish Magazine reveals that maybe, just maybe, they share my own reservations about having anything to do with the pomp, circumstance and Cinderella-like pageantry that will be going on in London.

Now we are blessed with a very nice village green - large swathes of closely mown grass, a rippling stream flowing through it, a new kiddies playground, community daffs brightening up the scene - no wonder it`s a popular venue.   The STREET PARTY ON THE GREEN will be `a free informal community event from 1.00pm onwards.`   We are exhorted to `Bring the family and friends.`

But here`s the but.   But` please supply your own food and drinks, blankets, gazebos, outdoor games, binbags, glasses, etc.   In the event of bad weather this event will be cancelled.   People are responsible for their own rubbish.   There will be no parking available.   PLEASE DRINK RESPONSIBLY.`  

Hardly encouraging or a ringing endorsement.  Sounds like their heart isn`t really in it and maybe the Parish Council`s attitude to the Royal Wedding is a mirror image of my own.   I would very much prefer to have nothing to do with it and it sounds as if our elected representatives feel the same way.   And who can blame them?  It`s not just me then. 

TIME TO DISAPPEAR..

From our Royal Correspondent

Today`s announcement of the engagement between Prince William and Kate Middleton is received in Snopperland with mixed feelings.   On the one hand, good wishes are extended for a long, happy, mortgage-free, benefits-avoiding life without having to worry too much about where the next meal is coming from - a long marriage of privilege, untold wealth and a secure place in history.   Good luck to them both.

But on the other hand, there is intense apprehension about all the razzamataz, the tatty merchandising and the wall-to-wall coverage that we will be subjected to until the wedding is over and done with.   As that could be anything up to a year away the prospects for a Wills/Kate-free media look grim.

 Already the BBC has spent 26 minutes of its half hour lunch bulletin reporting on nothing else but the upcoming nuptuals, the backgrounds of the happy couple and speculation about everything from the wedding venue to the dress the bride might wear.   All this to the exclusion of things that really matter in the world today like the Irish/EU financial crisis, the war in Afghanistan, the burgeoning rates of inflation and whether hard working wideman Scott Wagstaff will be fit to face Barnet in tonight`s FA Cup replay.

But, we`re all in it together, aren`t we, says David Cameron, so maybe we can all forget about whether we can really afford the countless millions the wedding will cost in the deepest financial crisis for decades, forget about the slash and burn reductions in public services and forget about the millions facing the dole and a looming winter of discontent and concentrate our minds on the boundless joy and distraction from reality that the royal wedding will so happily bring for us all.

Snopper was unavailable for comment when I approached him just after the news broke this morning but there are unconfirmed reports that he has decided to disappear and not re-emerge until 2012 by which time it might all be over?   But he was overheard to mutter that he couldn`t see why a quiet Registry Office might not do, along with the now obligitory celebrity pre-nup and divorce insurance.  Grumpy?  You bet he is.