Our Legal Affairs Correspondent writes..
After weeks of anxious waiting, Snopper was relieved to learn the outcome today of the Inquiry into any possible damaging effects his blog might have had on his world-wide audience. The Inquiry was conducted by an eminent Barrister bearing a remarkable resemblance to Elvis Costello and heard from three or four witnesses who claimed to have been the subject of less than complimentary remarks made by Snopper over the five years he has been boring us all to death with his mindless ramblings. But as these witnesses were, in the main, suffering from delusions of adequacy, their evidence was not able to be taken seriously.
Among those whose balance of mind is reportedly undisturbed and so declined to contribute to the Inquiry were `Sir` Alex Ferguson, Tony Pulis, Harry Redknapp, Arsene Wenger, Big Sam Allardyce, Rupert Lowe, Anne Widdecombe, the entire Chelsea Football Club, quite a number of sitting MPs, the whole of the EU along with others who had felt the sharp edge of Snopper`s biting criticism over the years.
In the end, the Inquiry fell short of recommending the setting up of an independent body - OFFSNOP if you will - to deal with any complaints that might in future be received, but given the level of disinterest in Snopper`s rants, it was felt such a move would simply add to bureaucracy being given a bad name.
Snopper refused to be interviewed but in a statement said: "I feel vindicated, so I`ll just keep calm and carry on boring people to death with yet more mindless ramblings and at the end of the day draw a line in the sand and come to terms with the fact that it`s a game of two halves. To be fair."
After which I felt it futile to comment further, so I`ll leave it for Snopper to post this honest unbiased report into one of the least significant journalistic episodes of recent times. Nurse!!!........