SIGN HERE PLEASE..

A week ago, I wrote of my surprise to discover that I was living in `Rowland Hilder Country,` having also discovered his grave in a nearby churchyard. It reminded me of the countless times I have driven through another literary country en route to St. Mary`s Stadium. Just beyond Farnham on the A31, you leave Surrey and enter Hampshire, at which point there`s a sign saying `Welcome to Jane Austen Country.` A little further along towards Alton there`s another sign pointing you towards Chawton and `Jane Austen`s House` and my journey takes me close to Winchester, where Jane died and eventually to Southampton where she lived for some time.

Last week when we were in the Bluewater Shopping Thingy I had a browse in Waterstones Book Shop. What struck me was the collection of notices outside proclaiming the impending programme of book signings. Among the authors beating a path to Bluewater in the coming weeks were literary giants such as Katie Price, she of the pneumatic chest and little else; Michael MacIntyre, who thinks that all you have to do to be funny is shout a lot and shake your head about; Danny Dyer and Ross Kemp, both of whom appear to be making a vicarious living under the guise of being `hard;` and one Ricky Villa.

Ah yes, Ricky Villa, he of the memorable winning goal for Tottenham Hotspur in some long forgotten FA Cup Final, but clearly yet another in this array of `characters` who have tales to tell with creative prose and a keen eye for tempting a deluded audience to part with their cash in return for a signed copy of their `book` and a fleeting interaction with what passes these days for `celebrity.
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Somehow I could not imagine Jane Austen turning up at Mrs. Miggins` Literary Emporium to sign copies of Northanger Abbey, Sense and Sensibility, Pride and Prejudice and all her other immortal works just to make a few bob whilst smiling sweetly to her admirers. You see, Jane would not have needed to do that, which says much about the motives, the quality and the transient desperation of today`s opportunistic `authors.` Katie Price Country anyone?

JANE 2 - 0 SNOPPER (After extra time)

"Claire Tomalin has also written perhaps the definitive biography of Jane Austen - another of my all-time favourites perhaps for similar reasons to those of my affection for Hardy, for I also have an affinity with places like Steventon, Chawton, Bath and Southampton and I`m not sure I want to see myself questioning Jane`s reputation or her legacy. So maybe I won`t buy it?"

Well, that`s what I wrote back on 19th March in my piece called `EYES WIDE OPEN` about Claire Tomalin`s biography of Thomas Hardy.

Having now just finished Claire`s impressive biography of Samuel Pepys, I found myself browsing the shelves of Waterstone`s the other day and happened to spot her book on Jane Austen. I thumbed through it, thought twice about the risk of my perceptions of Jane maybe being diminished by reading such an authoritative biography, but in the end I went for it, along with Bill Bryson`s book on Shakespeare, which seems lightweight in comparison.

There are things about Jane Austen that have long fascinated me. Three things really. First, the books themselves, many of which have been brought to life by recent film and television adaptations - the best being Ang Lee`s treatment of `Sense and Sensibility.` Next, the locations - not just for the novels but also as the settings for episodes in Jane`s own life, for I know and appreciate places where she lived and which she wrote about.

Lastly, there was the tantalising prospect of an unlikely family connection. My mother`s maiden name was Austen (spelt that way - not `Austin`) and so there had been mounting speculation as to whether I might cop for some hefty royalties if only I could prove the lineage. Sadly, I can`t, so it`s 2-0 to Jane, firstly for making me succumb to Claire` book and, second, for probably not being a long lost relative after all. Never mind, I`ll enjoy reading it anyway and, who knows, Claire Tomalin may just have unearthed an obscure reference that I might just follow up. I advise you, however, not to hold your breath. I am not holding mine.