MUSIC TO MY EARS ??

A little buzzin` music

My action shot photo, courtesy of Charlton Athletic`s website, shows a touching embrace between local hero Scott Wagstaff and a team mate, following Waggy`s goal against Oldham Athletic last Saturday. But this item is not about Scott`s burgeoning footballing prowess but more to do with the singular honour granted to him by his club and the way he went about accepting it. It is, indeed, a telling story and one he will look back on as almost a rite of passage as his career continues to blossom. Or maybe not.

Following on his recent successes, gay icon pacy flanker Scott ( "Buzzin` Sixpack") Wagstaff had been selected by the club to choose five pieces of `music` to be played before the assembling crowd as part of their pre-match entertainment before the Oldham game. It seems that his taste in music is a mirror image of his pacy flanking, for he included the well known combo, Yolanda Be Cool vs D Cup, and another outfit called Outkast as well as claiming to be able to recite the Lil Wayne rap featured in one of his selections.

Now if, like me, the above represents something of a foreign language, then it becomes clear that Waggy`s selections might have been intended to impress his growing army of buzzin` sixpack admirers rather than the eclectic gathering massed on the terraces of The Valley. A while back, my good friend Hurting Slightly less of Leybourne and I offered our services to become the pacy flanker`s joint agents - an offer which was refused with a polite but dismissive snigger. However, had we been in charge of his affairs on this occasion, there`s no doubt we would have advised him to carry out some meaningful consultation with friends and especially neighbours before drawing up his `playlist.`

Our street has an interesting mix of characters and ages and one could say that it is as representative in its musical tastes as any Saturday afternoon football terrace is ever likely to be. I`m sure there are those who might just know their Outkast from their Yolanda Be Cool vs D Cup but there are also others who are tuned in to Barry Manilow, the Carpenters, Turk Thrust and his Ballroom Syncopators, the Bonzo Dog Doo-dah Band and even the works of the sainted Wolgang Amadeus. From those and others like them, a balanced selection could have emerged and Waggy`s musical reputation could have been rescued from the cul-de-sac into which it has irrevocably descended.

But all may not be lost as I will get my ghetto blaster to direct the sound of the Adagietto from Mahler`s 5th into Wagstaff`s nearby window. That`ll teach him.