SNOPPER`S BALLS CREATE RECORD

(From our Sports Correspondent)

Yet another assault on the fairways and greens of the hallowed Poult Wood Golf Course on Thursday saw Snopper hit an all-time low in his undistinguished golfing career. Staring badly with a nine on the par 4 first, things got no better and resulted in the loss of no less than 12 golf balls during the round, which ended being unscored, such was the paucity of Snopper`s performance.

It is suggested that this loss of 12 balls has created a record for the course, if not in the entire annals of the royal and ancient game - in fact it may border on the illegal but given Snopper`s scant regard for the rules of the game, he is in no position to say whether or not he has in fact created a record that will be difficult to beat.

However, he is heartened by the fact that he still has over 1,000 balls squirrelled away in his loft - the dubious results of training a former Golden Retriever to retrieve lost balls from the undergrowth surrounding a local course - and so will be able to continue his policy of playing value-for-money golf by hitting the ball as many times as possible whilst at the same time displaying a nonchalent attitude to the inevitable ball disappearance as he continues to enchant the galleries of the world.

New balls, please!