NOT GUILTY - HONEST..
I hear on the local grapevive that my neighbour has been having trouble with her drains. All blocked up apparently. Nothing flowing as it should. An emergency call-out resulted in a scandalous allegation that the cause of the blockage was some kind of discarded `comfort wear.`
No good coming round here with any wild accusations of things I haven`t done, for Snopper is innocent!! And what`s more, as a former practitioner in the dark arts of environmental health, he is fully au fait with the Disposal of Incontinence Pants (Prevention in Drains) Regulations, 1985.
Try further up the road.
Try further up the road.
2 comments:
Snopper,
I'm afraid that I cannot allow the matter of blocked drains in Snopper Street to be brushed under the carpet. Not simply because it would be very messy, and mixing metaphors could just add to our problems, but because once a riddle has been set, it needs solving. I have therefore removed one of the offending articles and have sent it for DNA testing. I have also taken advantage of Section 48 of the DIP(PID) Regulations, 1985, which allows the innocent victim to enforce 'swabbing' of all suspects. Expect to receive an appointment notice to attend my out-patient clinic. I truly hope this process proves your innocence whilst also identifying the culprit, but there will be no leniency should it be subsequently proved that you have blatantly mis-lead Judge Slightly.
Isn`t it nice when a cunning plan comes to fruition. I campaigned long and hard for section 48 to be included in the final version of the Regulations, in the hope that one day a situation might arise whereby Mrs. Slightly could come round and give me a good swabbing, to which I will surrender myself wholeheartedly.
My innocence will be confirmed, however, for as a pensioner struggling to survive on a fixed income, I can`t afford such luxuries as high end confort wear. However, as a gesture of goodwill and implying no responsibility for your drainage problems, I would be prerpared to send Mrs. Snopper round to help with flushing it out.
Can`t say fairer than that, to be fair.
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