THREE FEET AWAY...

Well, it`s been a few days now. Dust has begun to settle, knees have stopped jerking and Saints fans are coming to terms with the sudden departure of manager Alan Pardew, which came after a successful year on the pitch, and a thumping 4-0 win away at Bristol Rovers last Saturday.

Naturally enough, there has been much speculation among the fans as to the reasons for this turn of events, ranging from the plausible to the downright ridiculous but rumours are now spreading that there might have been some serious breaches of conduct behind the scenes. One of these rumours suggests that Pardew`s departure may have a resonance with his departure from West Ham a while ago, but in the end, whilst we might like to know, it really isn`t any of our business.

Nonetheless, there is a proposition going the rounds here in Kent. It`s been suggested that Pardew wanted our street`s gay icon pacy flanker Scott ("Buzzin` Sixpack") Wagstaff to sign for Saints before the closure of the transfer window so as to bring some much needed pace to our flanks. Pardew went to see Saints` Executive Chairman, Nicola Cortese, with this proposition. Now, Cortese, being of Swiss/Italian extraction is believed to have a `season ticket` at La Scala in Milan. Small wonder then that, when he looked into Waggy`s background and discovered that his taste in music included something called Yolande Be Cool vs D Cup and also the combo known as Outkast, that was the end of that.

In all seriousness though, Pardew was our 13th manager in 10 years and I guess we Saints fans should have known better than to expect even a little continuity. And so the speculation has now turned to who might be the 14th in this line-up, with the usual suspects coming out of the woodwork . Fortunately, neither `Sir` Alex Ferguson nor Big Sam is likely to end up at St. Mary`s, so there is at least the odd blessing to count, although rumours of David O`Dreary joining Saints are worrying.

All this post-Lowe and post-Liebherr upheaval has reminded me of the well known truism that had its roots in Southampton, which is : "If you`re a Saints fan, you`re never more than three feet away from a kick in the nuts." I`m off down there on Saturday to see Saints take on Rochdale - yes, Rochdale. Now where did I leave my ` athletic supporter?`