SIGN HERE PLEASE..

A week ago, I wrote of my surprise to discover that I was living in `Rowland Hilder Country,` having also discovered his grave in a nearby churchyard. It reminded me of the countless times I have driven through another literary country en route to St. Mary`s Stadium. Just beyond Farnham on the A31, you leave Surrey and enter Hampshire, at which point there`s a sign saying `Welcome to Jane Austen Country.` A little further along towards Alton there`s another sign pointing you towards Chawton and `Jane Austen`s House` and my journey takes me close to Winchester, where Jane died and eventually to Southampton where she lived for some time.

Last week when we were in the Bluewater Shopping Thingy I had a browse in Waterstones Book Shop. What struck me was the collection of notices outside proclaiming the impending programme of book signings. Among the authors beating a path to Bluewater in the coming weeks were literary giants such as Katie Price, she of the pneumatic chest and little else; Michael MacIntyre, who thinks that all you have to do to be funny is shout a lot and shake your head about; Danny Dyer and Ross Kemp, both of whom appear to be making a vicarious living under the guise of being `hard;` and one Ricky Villa.

Ah yes, Ricky Villa, he of the memorable winning goal for Tottenham Hotspur in some long forgotten FA Cup Final, but clearly yet another in this array of `characters` who have tales to tell with creative prose and a keen eye for tempting a deluded audience to part with their cash in return for a signed copy of their `book` and a fleeting interaction with what passes these days for `celebrity.
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Somehow I could not imagine Jane Austen turning up at Mrs. Miggins` Literary Emporium to sign copies of Northanger Abbey, Sense and Sensibility, Pride and Prejudice and all her other immortal works just to make a few bob whilst smiling sweetly to her admirers. You see, Jane would not have needed to do that, which says much about the motives, the quality and the transient desperation of today`s opportunistic `authors.` Katie Price Country anyone?