Well, at the beginning I suppose.  Let`s start with the latest wheeze to combat the onset of Alzheimer`s.   I see the embattled NHS are going to pay doctors £50 for each patient they diagnose as showing early signs of this distressing disease.  So a conversation might go like this:-

"Good morning, Doctor - how am I?"

"Well, let`s see.   What seems to be the problem?"

"I think I`ve broken my wrist - I had a bit of a fall coming down the stairs and it`s very painful."

"Let me have a look.  Ah, yes, I`m sorry to tell you that you are showing early signs of Alzheimer`s disease.   That`ll be £50 please.  Thank you."   Kerching!!

Almost as bizarre is the latest demand from the European Union for the UK to cough up an extra £1.7billion - that`s £170,000,000,000 - on top of the £8.6billion net we`re already paying annually.   Why?  Because `Brussels accountants` have recalculated the UK contribution and concluded that because our economy is doing rather well we should prop up other countries in the EU who aren`t doing as well as we are - intriguingly both France and Germany will receive `rebates` whilst the UK is expected to pay more.

Now these `Brussels accountants` are presumably the same ones whose `accounts` have not been signed off at audit for each of the past 19 years, so their `calculations` are perhaps open to scrutiny, especially as they claim the upturn in the UK economy is apparently due in part to drug dealing and prostitution.

It`s all honey and nuts to UKIP, of course, but here`s a thought.   Why not just refuse to pay it?  The EU will jump up and down and threaten us with fines and sanctions but it might hasten the date for the long promised referendum on whether we quit the EU or stay in.  Or it all might be a cunning plan whereby Cameron kicks up a fuss, the EU back down and Cameron comes home saying what a good deal he`s got from Brussels and allows him to plough on with his mission impossible to try to secure repatriation of powers from the EU. 

I wonder what the good folk of Rochester and Strood will make of it all.  Maybe this latest bout of EU madness will drive them to seek medical advice.  Oh, hang on - that`s where I started, isn`t it?