NEVER MIND HORSE MEAT...

Following the recent saga here in Dibley concerning the fact that a gang of great crested newts are preventing the opening of a bit of open space we`ve been hoping to get access to, there`s news today of yet another example of newt power.

It seems that work on Durham Constabulary`s brand spanking new, hi-tech, state-of-the-art £12million headquarters has had to be put on hold.  Why?  You`ve guessed it.   A great crested newt has been discovered on the site and, as he and his crested chums are all protected under the Protection of Newts Act, 2005, (or something) he has to be left in peace until he decides to come out of hibernation sometime around May.

The spokesman for Durham`s boys in blue couldn`t really say anything other than, as the law of the land makes these critters a no-go area, the police have to uphold the law and just wait it out.   All very reminiscent of our experience here in Dibley, although there was the marked difference that, whilst the Durham Police Force are resigned to their situation, the Parish Council here couldn`t really be bothered to do anything about it other than to shrug their shoulders and declare that, at the end of the day, the newts seem to have won the battle.

It`s all very well, but I really begin to wonder whether this species protection obsession isn`t going just a tad too far.   After all, I`m pretty sure the newts won`t even think of thanking us for our concern on their behalf.   Newt burgers anyone?  Could be a tasty alternative.   Should slide down well with a nice chianti.  

A CRESCENDO OF INDIFFERENCE ?..

Today`s the day the parishioners here in Dibley have been waiting for, as the casual vacancy for a seat on the Parish Council will today be filled.   Days of frantic canvassing and leaflet dropping have come to an end as, in the words of one of the candidates, "it`s now in the hands of the people."   

Now, the people I feel most sorry for in all this are the staff at the village hall polling station.  When I got up this morning, it was still pitch dark, bitingly cold with a severe frost and rumblings of snow on the way.   But the polling station had already been open since 7.00am and will remain so until, 15 hours later, it will finally close at 10.00pm tonight.   After that they will then have to count the ballot papers and eventually one of the three candidates will emerge victorious.  Ah, the candidates.   The good, the bad and the ugly - I know which I prefer. 

Now I know the polling staff get paid for their time but it`s still a long, tiresome, boring day especially as an influx of keen voters is the last thing they will expect, given that there are only about 2,000 registered voters in the parish and even at an optimistic turnout of 10%, that means the polling staff will only have about 200 visitors in the 15 hours.  

So it could all add up to an avoidable crescendo of indifference, which is a bit sad really, especially as it`s costing about £5,000 that the Parish Council doesn`t have.  But the saddest thing of all is that the outcome between the good, the bad and the ugly might well be determined by the ruthless efficiency of a political party machine.   Which really has no place in a Parish Council by-election, where democracy is supposed to be closer to the real people than anywhere else.

NO CONTEST..

There`s to be an election here in Dibley for a seat on the Parish Council.  The official polling cards have arrived telling us that the election will be on Thursday 17th January and that the polling station in the village hall will be open from 7.00am to 10pm - so no less than 15 hours for us to toddle along and cast our votes.

Trouble is, there are alleged to be somewhere in the order of 15 or 16 candidates, such is the furore within the parish over, well, parochial issues.   These include the fraught question of where, if anywhere, to locate some kind of outdoor gym facility supposedly for the elderly population; keeping the footpaths clear, a new changing room for the playing fields, what to do about the resident newts preventing access to an open space as they are a protected species (I`ve suggested a controlled explosion,)  and such like.  Cameron thinks he has problems?  He should try running Dibley.

I imagine the next few weeks will see the candidates canvassing away, festooning us with leaflets, hiring megaphones and being nice to us.   But the qualities I look for in a candidate for the Parish Council include a penchant for football, an eagerness to apply common sense rather than any political party line and a determination to cut through the bureaucracy that seems to result solely in the Parish Council talking about things rather than doing them.

I think I know just the man....and it ain`t me.  

NO HIDING PLACE..

Some months ago I had a rant about the local problem we`re having with newts - please see http://snoppersays.blogspot.co.uk/search?q=Newts.   Since May, the intrepid Clerk of our Parish Council has been pursuing the daunting challenge of opening up a piece of land, currently occupied by allegedly `rare` newts, for us to use as part of our local open space.

It seems there is uncertainty on the part of Kent County Council as to the exact location of what has become known as `Newtland,` which is surprising really as it was KCC who organised the land swap to provide Newtland as compensation for an area we lost when they built the by-pass.

It seems a Land Registry search may be needed to establish the exact location and boundaries of Newtland, although the information provided by the recent Newt Hunt, shown on the map above, might prove useful.   Looking at it, it might be that a gang of Palmate newts are the culprits here.   If so, then they are not really very `rare` in the UK and so could be shifted to some other area, especially as Newt Hunt`s map shows plenty of places where newts already live or where they might like to have a new home of their own.

Of course, such a move would have to be carried out with considerable care, sensitivity and concern for the wellbeing of our amphibian friends and I imagine NewtWatch and the European Court of Newty Rights would need to oversee the move.   But it can be done, despite the fact that newts are notoriously slippery customers, adept at evading capture and, as is happening here in Dibley, leading a merry dance to those who would interfere with their rights to a family life.  

But in the end they can slither but they can`t hide and there should be no hiding place  as they continually frustrate the reasonable attempts of the local populace to have access to a piece of land that is rightfully theirs.

NEWTS 1 - DIBLEY 0

There`s a gentleman in American politics who goes by the name of Newt.   He should live here in Dibley, as my ongoing saga with the Parish Council about newts goes into extra time.  The story so far.   Some years ago now, we were provided with a by-pass.   I was never quite sure why, as we`re an inconsequential one-horse town in the middle of deepest Kent.   My suspicion was that the by-pass was either a `political` project linked to upcoming elections or that Dibley was so unattractive that passing tourists should be diverted away from it.

Anyway, they needed a chunk of land for the by-pass which was taken  from our local woods and, to be fair, a compensatory chunk of land was set aside as replacement for the bit we lost.   Reasonably enough, the `new` area needed a bit of time to get established, so it was fenced off and left in peace.   And then along came the newts.   At the time, a big road construction project was going on at the other end of the county and, as part of the now inescapable environmental impact study, it was discovered that some newts were residing just where the new road was going to go.

To overcome this problem, said newts were transported from there to our own `new` area.   There were some unsubstantiated rumours that these newts were rather special newts and needed to be protected and nurtured in a peaceful environment.    Now I don`t know for sure, but my suspicion is that these were not whizzo, sooper-dooper, hi-tech, state-of-the-art, ocean going, high-end newts - otherwise NewtAid would have been on their case - but rather they were your ordinary, straightforward, up and down, common or garden newts.

All this was years ago and still the `new` area next to our woods is fenced off but there`s not a newt to be seen.   So I`ve suggested to Dibley Parish Council that it`s daft for us to lose a chunk of our woods and be given a compensatory area only for it to be fenced off for years thus denying public access on the spurious notion that some Beckhamesque newts might still be around.

I`m told that the Parish Council, whilst not being in any way newtphobic, are sympathetic to my cause.   But here`s where the dead hand of bureaucracy comes in yet again.   As the compensatory area is still in the ownership of Kent County Council, the issue has been referred to a joint liaison working group who will take their time to come up with an acceptable solution which might satisfy local malcontents like me as well as the newt lobby.

As things stand, I fear the newts might just have their noses in front, but extra time is here and like the other great issues of the day, such as the future of the Eurozone, the outcome remains uncertain.

AGENDA ITEM 1..

The row over prayers at Bideford Town Council meetings was heard in the High Court yesterday after the National Secular Society began judicial proceedings against the council after it twice voted to keep prayers on the agenda at the start of their meetings.


Bideford Town Council defended the action and were represented at the High Court hearing by Manchester firm Aughton Ainsworth which previously acted for the Cornish Christian bed and breakfast owners who refused to accommodate a gay couple.  The legal action from the society was prompted by Bideford councillor and atheist Clive Bone, who twice failed to get the council to take prayers off its agenda.

It`s reported that the High Court`s decision may not be know for some months, which will keep the good folk of Bideford on a knife edge as they await the verdict.

Here in Dibley, we have no such problems.   Rather than worrying too much about prayers before the Parish Council meetings, we tend to gather outside the village hall as our elected representatives leave and quietly mutter to ourselves, "God, forgive them, for they know not what they do."

PEACE IN OUR TIME ?..

There`s more to report on the Parish Council front.   Hard on the heels of organizing `events,` they have also recently taken a shine to invoking obscure bits of legislation.  It`s almost as if they`ve just discovered that there are bits of legislation designed so that parish councils can impose their will on the local community.

The new(ish) `older children`s` play area is quite big, with large swathes of grass and inviting hillocks and even a small wood - ideal for dogs to  have a good time.   But the parish council are advertising their intention to ban dogs - even those on leads and under the control of responsible owners and it seems even those who are blind and deaf - from the whole of this sizeable area, along with banning them from another smaller childrens play area a little way away. 

The same area also bears the threat of dire consequences for anyone caught drinking, causing a nuisance or `refusing to leave having been ordered to do so by an authorised officer` under an even more obscure bit of legislation.

As an upstanding pillar of local society and a spinster of this parish, I haven`t got a problem with any of this as long as the parish council are doing it all for the right reasons, which are that these bits of law are being invoked in response to public demand or an identified need, as opposed to introducing them simply because they can and thereby massaging the egos of minor local officials.

Anyway, a local consultation period is under way and we have until the middle of December to lodge any comments with the parish council.   In a way I hope it all goes through smoothly, as I imagine the parish council will want to organize a celebratory Christmas event when the chairman returns home from his European mission, brandishing a piece of paper in his hand, bearing the seal of approval from our friends in Berlin and Brussels.

Oh what fun we have when democracy rules.