PHEW! WHAT A RELIEF..

I saw a report yesterday that the Royal Family`s summer garden parties have been cancelled.  A palace spokesperson said, "The decision has been taken that garden parties will not take place in 2021."   The events, normally held annually for tens of thousands of people, were cancelled last year due to the first Covid lockdown and it is understood that the latest lockdown came as deadlines to commit to staging the summer parties grew closer, making it impossible to plan for this year`s events taking account of the Covid precautions.

Now what seems like a hundred years ago in a former life, Mrs. S and I were invited by a former Mayor and his lady to accompany them to a garden party at Buckingham Palace.  A kind and thoughtful invitation which was genuinely appreciated.  However, we mulled it over and came to the conclusion that, as much as we were grateful for the opportunity, we both knew that we would feel `awkward,` `uncomfortable,`  a little out of place - those kind of things are really not for us - and so we politely declined the invitation.

I suppose in the end we decided that in actual fact we really, really didn`t want to go.  So we didn`t.  The Mayor understood entirely - he accepted our conclusion with much good grace and it had no adverse effect on our future relationship;  in fact, I think he admired the honesty.  So, someone else and his wife took our place and they said they had a wonderful afternoon and enjoyed it very much - I was pleased for them.

I just wonder how many people who might have been invited to this year`s garden parties will be as relieved as we were when they learn that they`re not going to happen?   

.....or so it seems.   Stuff is happening in the garden, the birds are doing their thing and in the last couple of days I have detected the threatening drone of mowers mowing.

Not that I`m complaining - I have spent months longing for the days to get longer, the temperature to return to being bearable and for the gloom of my Sadness to begin to lift.  And yet..... and yet I look around the world and I seem to be invaded by stories, news reports and events, dear boy, events that all conspire to suggest that, despite the green shoots of early Spring, there are a lot of things to concern my furrowed brow.

The corona virus of course - and the worry it brings especially to us over-80s (*cough cough*) - but I have been intrigued, but not really surprised, by the amount of panic buying, aka selfish buying of things like toilet rolls.   It comes to something when the shelves in the Saffron Walden branch of Waitrose are empty, so I`m going to stockpile the daily newspaper which can be cut up into neat squares and hung on a nail in the smallest room.  I guess the best newspaper to buy for that emergency would be the Guardian?  Funny how, as soon as HM Gov. says there`s no need to panic, everybody immediately panics.

My biggest issue today, however, is the news that broke over the weekend that Southampton Football Club is once again up for sale.  It seems our current owner, one Mr. Gao all the way from China, has had enough of not investing any of his money since he took over the club and is apparently surprised that the team are nowhere near qualifying for Europe or, for that matter, nowhere clear of relegation. 

Rumours are spreading as to who might be interested in purchasing the club - mega rich billionaire Jim Ratcliffe has been mentioned as he lives in the New Forest despite the fact that he already owns Nice FC in France along with the Ineos cycling outfit and is allegedly a big Chelsea fan.  Then there is our new Chancellor of the Exchequer, Rishi Sunak, who genuinely is a massive Saints fan so maybe we will hear something in his first ever Budget speech on Wednesday.  

There is much more I could go on about but I will end for now by sharing my dismay that we might be seeing Harry and Meghan on these shores for the last time.  It`s enough to escalate the country`s mental health issues to unprecedented levels but I`m sure there are helpline numbers we can ring if it all gets too much to bear.

Off to do some mowing.  Have a nice day.

It was as long ago as February 2018 that I had a bit of a rant about Princess Meghan - here`s the link to that post - https://snoppersays.blogspot.com/search?q=The+Brothers+Grimm. (Click on the link and scroll down to the second post that appears after this one.)

 That post was called `Not Quite Right` and I ended up by suggesting that, for all the usual hullabaloo that surrounds the royal family, there was `something not quite right` about the Meghan and Harry thing.   It was no more than a suspicion at the time, but here we are nearly a year and a half on and, if anything, my suspicions have been confirmed by the extraordinary news that Meggy is the guest editor of `Vogue` magazine and has produced a list of sixteen women whom she admires the most in today`s world.

Now I have vaguely heard of Vogue magazine but I confess that I have never even glanced at it and it has almost completely passed me by.  Not sure I`ve missed much as it seems to be a magazine devoted to high fashion, a dedicated follower of which I have never been and am not likely to become.   I guess it  has a limited audience, mainly among those who dwell in the rarefied atmosphere of haute couture and perhaps those who may be more than a little removed from the real world.  So maybe it`s not surprising that Meghan`s 16 worthies are largely unheard of, not to say irrelevant, to the rest of us.

So who are these `women?   Well, to be fair I have actually heard of two or three of them - Jane Fonda; actress, political activist,  model and fitness guru, still going strong at 81.  Then there is sixteen year old Swedish `climate change activist` Greta Thunberg who is responsible for sparking the school strikes across 112 countries to ram home the climate change mantra.  She has also addressed MPs in Parliament and is nominated for a Nobel Prize this year.   (I think that when I was 16 I was having a real good time, enjoying life and revelling in new experiences and I hate to think of the trouble I would have been in had I started school strikes and had the youthful arrogance  to make a global nuisance of myself.)     The third of the`women`I have heard of is one truly to admire - Jacinda Ardern, Prime Minister of that thoroughly admirable country New Zealand..  

As for the rest of them, there is a 19 year old who has risen from being a child refugee to a supermodel;  a rising star wanting to end racial prejudice; a DJ who is at war with fat shaming; a writer fighting gender injustice; another model who is also a mental health campaigner; a star of the royal ballet; a Somali who boxed to beat bullies; a catwalk legend caring for mothers; an apparent film star with a social conscience; someone who made fashion `more exclusive;` another actress who is an LGBT activist and a US sitcom actress  intent on encouraging voter turnout.

Now of course that panoply of worthiness is the kind that can only be found in the world which Meghan and her cronies inhabit and know about - all very vague which seems all very `Vogue.`  But if anything, it all confirms to me that almost anything connected with Megs somehow isn`t quite right.  

I wonder how long it will last.

TIME TO STOP DIGGING...

Apropos my recent observations concerning Harry and Meg`s country cottage, it now seems the cost to the taxpayer has been a little understated.  Apparently the work is not quite finished - exterior painting to be done, landscaping, installation of security lights and the planting of £20,000 worth of quick-growing trees to ensure the seclusion of the `cottage.`  Oh and there are also plans for a badminton and tennis court, of course.   All of which will bring the total bill to anything between £2,8 million and £3.2 million, including the £250,000 contribution from the happy couple`s own resources for `fittings and fixtures.`

Royal officials have admitted that the cost to taxpayers is likely to rise and a well placed source has claimed that, "The final figure is excellent value for money for the taxpayer.  Whilst the original figure of £2.4 million has covered basic renovation costs the couple have spent £250,000 so far to ensure that the highest standards are met inside the property."  He goes on to say, "Security for the couple is of the utmost importance and a large scale planting programme worth up to £20,000 is proposed to shield the property from public gaze."

The `well placed source` is shown above and it`s pretty clear that he lacks any sense of irony.  For example, how can it be `excellent value for the taxpayer` when the taxpayer is having to cough up £20,000 for a forest of trees which are designed to prevent the taxpayer ever being able to see what his or her money has been spent on?   He`s got himself in a bit of a hole so If I were him, I would stop digging.   

And don`t even get me started on the fact that the taxpayer is also having to find $750,000 a year on the 20 Met. and Thames Valley police required to guard Frogmore Cottage.  Next up - La-la land The Movie.

A COUNTRY COTTAGE ?

Well, I guess I`m back in the groove and, like most days, today provided no problem finding something else to go on about.  (I promise myself, as well as you dear reader, that I will make the effort to move away from a daily diet of critique and wander into less stressful fields - possibly.)

Anyway, today my attention was drawn to the cost of renovating Frogmore Cottage near Windsor so that it was transformed into a residence befitting their extremely royal highnesses the Duke and Duchess of Sussex, aka Harry and Meghan,   Now of course we  are so pleased for them that this delightful and inspiring couple have been able to move out of the hurly-burly of Kensington Palace and relocate, along with young Archie, to the sylvan countryside around Windsor.   

And we are so pleased to see them take up residence in their newly renovated `cottage.`Only problem is that it has taken the princely sum of £2.4 million of taxpayers` money to convert what were five units into one to a standard befitting the royal occupants.   

I`ve long held the view that whilst I have no problem with Her Majesty the Queen, there is now a very extended royal family, all of whom seem to inhabit their private world of privilege and assumed entitlement largely at the taxpayer`s expense.  There are just too many of them and I`m not sure how long we can carry on dipping our hands in our pockets to keep them all in the style to which they have been accustomed .

As for Harry and Megs, at least they continue to call it Frogmore Cottage when in reality, thanks to the generosity of others, it is now anything but.

I guess it`s just the way life is.  You take one step forward and two steps back.  And today`s news has  confirmed that my own place in the great scheme of things has taken an unexpected step back  - which came as a bit of a surprise.

Now I`m sure that, like me, you were overwhelmed with joy at the news that Princess Meghan, the former Catholic, mixed race, foreign, divorcee, now laughably known as the Duchess of Sussex is going to have a baby in the Spring of next year.   It is, of course, a matter of limitless excitement and anticipation for me, to the extent that I can hardly wait until next Spring to  celebrate the arrival of yet another edition to the burgeoning royal family.

Don`t get me wrong - I hope all goes well for Prince Harry, the aforementioned Princess Meghan and their new arrival - I`m sure they will have a happy and glorious life as a family blessed with the knowledge that they will spend their lives in privileged splendour.

But I wonder if they will ever spare a thought for the fact that their newborn royal family member will be ninth in line for the throne with the result that I will thus be relegated to 59,573,976th in the line of succession.

It`s the same with my golf - for one reason or another I have been absent from the royal and ancient game for a few months and in the worldwide rankings I have now slipped out of the top 259,000,000 on the Richter Scale.  

So all in all, my life seems to be taking backward steps and as Paul Simon predicted it seems the nearer my destination the more I`m slip sliding away.   I need an upturn so I`ll get back to the driving range and stay well away from Kensington Palace.

A SIMPLE SOLUTION...

With all the fuss and bother surrounding Theresa May and HM Gov. perhaps the biggest worry for our Prime Minister is the prospect that the Queen`s Speech to Parliament might have to be delayed.   I can imagine that that might cause an irreversible rift in relations between Her Majesty and her Prime Minister, especially as it might involve the Queen having to miss the Royal Ascot horse racing thingy.

Well, here`s a simple solution.  Rather than all the pomp and circumstance of the Queen delivering her speech to the assembled Lords and Commons in Westminster, why can`t she deliver it from  Ascot on a video link?  Either from the royal box (I`m pretty sure there must be one) or even as she proceeds in her horse drawn buggy down the Royal Mile?

To every complex problem, there is always a simple solution - if I carry on like this I might yet cop for a gong, which I would be happy to accept in the post.  Simples.

THANK YOU, MA`AM...

I guess I must be mellowing in my old age.   It was only a couple of days ago that I had something nice to say about Manchester United.  Now I find myself having similar thoughts about the royal family.  Well, the Queen anyway.

Once again over the years I have had the odd poke at the royals - the privileged lifestyle, the excesses, the fact that there are too many of them largely supported by the long suffering taxpayer and all that.  I may have mentioned too that I was once invited to one of the Queen`s Garden Parties but declined gracefully on the basis that I really didn`t want to go.

But I have to say how encouraging and entirely fitting it was that Her Majesty took the time, trouble and effort (no small matter at her age) to travel to Manchester and visit the victims of the terror attack in hospital.   I got the impression that it was something she wanted to do and her visit was a poignant demonstration of the country, at all levels, coming together in the face of such an outrage.  Your Majesty - I salute you.

I must be careful.  If my tendency towards mellowing continues, I might find something nice to say about the European Union....... even if it is `goodbye.`

HEARTWARMING.....

What a lovely picture of a happy family.  Just look at the happiness on the faces of those two little cherubs and the look of pride for their parents.   It really is heartwarming stuff, especially as they face the world and all that life throws at them knowing that they will be forever cocooned in a big bubble of privilege with nothing to worry or care about, thanks to the blind generosity of the Great British taxpayers.

Nothing personal, but I just wish for two things.  First, that we hear less and less about the goings on in their parallel universe and, second, that Theresa May should legislate to stop newspapers condemning us to special supplements of photos of these dear little poppets and the rest of their adoring family.  Maybe then the rest of us can be left in peace to get on with our own lives rather than being subjected to the meaningless antics of the privileged few.  End of rant of the day.

Two examples of loyalty today, both very different.  The first and most genuine is that of Her Majesty the Queen becoming the country`s longest serving monarch.  I remember as a callow youth hearing her declare that she would devote her life to serving the country and she has fulfilled that promise with great distinction.  

Now there are people who are decidedly anti-monarchy and whilst I would not go that far, I do have reservations about the number of royals, the hangers-on, the pomp and expensive circumstance;  indeed, I turned down an invitation to a Garden Party at Buck House simply because I didn`t want to go.  But I do not question the Queen`s loyalty and I wish her well on this historic milestone.

Also today we heard about and possibly saw Wayne Rooney become England`s top goalscorer in internationals when he slammed home a convenient penalty in the 2-0 win over Switzerland last evening.   But, whilst acknowledging the 50 goals he has now scored for his country, I`m reluctant to  congratulate him too warmly for a number of reasons. 

His record shows that he has scored just two goals in any major tournament since 2004 and has never scored in the knockout phase of any major tournament  The  goal he scored last year against Uruguay was a tap in and the one against Ukraine was a free header from all of six inches.   Now, 50 goals is 50 goals but it`s worth remembering that a good number of Rooney`s have been penalties and others have been against the likes of San Marino, Andorra, Estonia, Montenegro, Slovenia and Belarus.   Sir Bobby Charlton he ain`t.

It also has to be said that, as the current captain of England he cuts a rather forlorn figure.  Not his fault of course, but one might expect our captain to represent the country with arguably a little more ambassadorial dignity than has so far been shown.   But coming to my second example of loyalty on this memorable day, I am reminded that Mr. Rooney, whilst admittedly still very young, pledged himself to the cause of Everton by much enthusiastic badge kissing and declaring himself to be "A Blue Forever."   Whereupon he promptly upped sticks, abandoned his avowed loyalty and left Goodison Park for the Evil Empire of Old Trafford.

I really do hope - probably more for his own sake than anything else - that Her Majesty might resist the urge to dub Rooney `Sir Wayne.`   It really doesn`t sound right and things that don`t sound right seldom are.

EEEK !!!

There are so many sad and awful things going on in the world right now, so it was truly heart warming to hear all about the christening of baby princess Charlotte the other day. For a few brief moments I was able to forget about things like Greece, Tunisia and Syria and instead revel in the sheer joy of such a wonderful occasion.   Here is the family photo which records the occasion for posterity :-

Don`t they all look happy?  And so they should, for I have lost count of the millions it all costs us each and every year.  It`s a bit like the Premier League - the excesses, the privilege, the self-serving attitude of entitlement all lead me to turn away from it all in dismay.  There`s a new concept here - not the politics of envy but the politics of dismay.

But some people like it.  Just two examples.  The first is the kind of mindless enthusiasm which would suggest that a bit of Sectioning under the Mental Health Act would not come amiss:-

And the other is the happy parents at least having the goodness to pause and wave to us to thank us for providing them with the kind of lifestyle that will see them through life`s rich pageant without a care in the world and, for good measure, expect us to bow, curtsy, doff our caps and give lifelong thanks that we have them to cherish and to hold:-

And to cap it all, there`s the threat in today`s newspaper that tomorrow`s edition will carry a 32-page Extra Special Supplement showing all the photographs of this happy day in the parallel universe of the pampered and the privileged. Curiously, the only person in all of this that I have any sympathy for is Princess Charlotte.   As they say, you can choose your friends but you can`t choose your family.

DIFFICULT NEGOTIATIONS..

Tense and difficult negotiations seem to be the norm these days - nothing is simple or straightforward - but the process of negotiation is, of course, well established.   A problem occurs between a number of parties;  proposals are put forward to resolve the problem to the satisfaction of each of the parties involved.   The proposals are carefully considered but, in the end, rejected.  Counter proposals are then put on the table in an effort to meet the demands of the other parties.   These too are rejected, powers of diplomacy are fully tested and just when it seems that no agreement can be reached, one of the parties blinks first.   Result.

And so the drawn out negotiations between Southampton and Liverpool over the transfer of Saints` England right back Nathaniel Clyne have seemingly been through that process and a result looks to have been achieved.  It`s understood that Liverpool`s blink will see them pay Southampton the £12.5 million they were demanding for Clyne, who has a year to run on his current contract at St. Mary`s.  In business terms this represents a good return on Saints` original investment of £2.5 million when Clyne signed from Crystal Palace, especially as Saints have already signed a ready made replacement in Portuguese international defender Cedric Soares from Sporting Lisbon.

The details will be finalised once Clyne gets back from America but the clubs have agreed the fee and so Clyne will join former Saints Rickie Lambert, Adam Lallana and Dejan Lovren at Anfield, which Liverpool seem determined to make as the destination of choice for Saints players.  I think this will bring Liverpool`s signings so far this summer to something like eight new players - they clearly believe in buying teams rather than building them and seem to have a bottomless pit of cash to squander.   

In other news, difficult negotiations continue over the Greek debt mountain, which has now reached laughable proportions and the only solution seems to be for Liverpool to buy Greece.  Dave Cameron`s negotiations about reforming the European Union have taken a bit of a knock with Her Maj. chirping up at a banquet last night that it would be a shame if the UK were to leave the bloated, power crazed, remote, bureaucratic, corrupt, self-serving EU project. I paraphrase, of course, but it`s hard to understand why she would infer such a thing as you might expect the Sovereign of all people to be especially bothered by the prospect of losing yet more, if not all, of her country`s sovereignty.

I`m not surprised that negotiations seem to get more and more difficult these days.  

A DAY TO REMEMBER..

Joy unconfined as another memorable day in the annals of the country is marked by wild celebrations, fanfares and grateful thanks.   Dancing in the streets, street parties, banners unfurled, flags and buntings decorate the streets as the importance of this very, very special event begins to seep into the consciousness of the joyous crowds.

Yes, folks, today marks the 39th anniversary of Southampton beating the northern scourge of Manchester United by a single goal at Wembley to claim the FA Cup.   I was fortunate enough to be there on that day, watching the sadly departed Bobby Stokes bury his long range shot into the net beyond the despairing clutches of United keeper, Alex Stepney. The only thing that dampens the memories of that glorious day is the fact that, from that winning team, goalscorer Stokes and the legend that is Peter Osgood are no longer with us.

In other news, I understand that Kate Middleton, aka Duchess of Cambridge, has given birth to a baby girl in the most comfortable of circumstances, so congratulations to her, especially for timing the delivery to coincide with a day to remember for Saints fans everywhere and for choosing St. Mary`s as the hospital in which to be confined.   So special was that day at Wembley back in 1976 that the Queen, having presented the FA Cup to Saints captain, Peter Rodrigues, realised that it could never be any better than that and so she has not attended an FA Cup Final since.  The royal prerogative exercised at its most perceptive.   

A HAPPY ENDING..

A poignant episode in Southampton earlier this week in marked contrast to the scene when Her Majesty The Queen bade a tearful farewell to her much loved royal yacht Britannia all those years ago.  As far as the royals go I confess to being pretty much of an agnostic and so when the decision was taken to decommission the royal yacht, I wasn`t that bothered about it.  

But looking back - and despite my misgivings about the royalty - I have to confess a considerable admiration for our 88 year old monarch.  I now think that that decision, taken by the newly formed Blair government following months of indecision by the outgoing Major one, was perhaps a sad affair, especially for the Queen, to whom Britannia meant so much.  In hindsight, it seemed cheap, mean spirited; a political rather than a financial decision.

But this week saw Her Majesty launch the latest and biggest in a long line of cruise ships - and she named it `Britannia.`  As she did so, I thought I caught a fleeting glimpse of regret pass across her regal features, almost as if all the happy memories she had of her time aboard the royal yacht were flooding back, along with her sadness at being forced to say goodbye to one of her favourite retreats from a hectic world.

But there was a happy ending.  Just being in Southampton again - the jewel of the south coast - along with the spring sunshine, seemed to lift her spirits and rightly so.  Oh to be in Southampton now that Spring is here, blessed as it is with the country`s most agreeable and progressive football club and, to mark the occasion of her visit the Queen was presented with an impressive gift as a token of mutual affection and admiration.  Her Majesty looks to be wearing it with pride and it certainly complements her chosen outfit for the day.

This rare and distinctive gift will surely be treasured in the royal household and it certainly brought a smile back to the royal countenance. It is so pleasing to report that  it all ended happily after all.

THE TENSION MOUNTS..

Yes, folks, any time now the thrilling news will break that the Duchess of Cambridge, aka Kate Wales, will give birth to a fledgling monarch.   Now of course, as with all happy events, I genuinely hope all goes well for Mum and baby and yet I can`t avoid the notion that the newborn will have a life of pampered privilege, all expenses paid, all in the service of the nation of course.

So maybe the choice of the child`s name might bring just a hint of normality to these proceedings and a name in keeping with these modern times would seem to be a good place to start.   I`m going for Wayne or Tegan, although I think there is a case for children to be able to choose their own names once they reach a certain age, although King Wayne sounds good.   I`ll be 74 on Friday (wonder if that will be the day of national rejoicing?) and, as it`s about time I grew up a bit, maybe I`ll change my name to Hunk or Grit or something equally appropriate.  As the tension mounts over the next few days, I can hardly wait.  Possibly.

HARD TIMES ?..

Now as one myself I really don`t want to begrudge any pensioner a rise in their annual income, especially as we are all in it together as we struggle to survive on our fixed incomes in the most severe of financial climates.

So it was with some passing interest that I noticed Her Majesty the Queen has been handed a £5million increase under new `rules` recently introduced.   As a result, her tax free, taxpayer funded Government grant for 2013/14 has risen from £31million to £36.1million.   

The new `Sovereign Grant` replaces the old Civil List and grants-in-aid and this change results in the Queen receiving 15% of the profits from the Crown Estates two years earlier.   So, as the Crown Estates made a profit of £240.2million in 2011/12, the grant figure for 2013/14 comes to £36.1million.

A nice little tax free earner.   A Buckingham Palace spokesperson said that "the majority of the grant will be spent on the backlog of property repair works to the royal palaces."  So that`s OK then and as I have a soft spot for Her Majesty - after all she is an 86-year old national treasure - I find it difficult to be in any way critical.   

But I do wonder whether she really needs all those royal palaces that require so much repair works and whether if, for example, just one of them were to be flogged off, the taxpayer funded, tax free grant might just come more into line with the kind of financial discipline we`re all having to adopt?

I`m pretty sure there must be a wealthy oil rich sheik or even a Premier League footballer out there somewhere willing to take Sandringham or another of the collection off her hands.

WONDERFUL NEWS..

I could hardly believe my ears yesterday afternoon when the news broke that Kate and Wills are going to be parents.   It was indeed wonderful news, tinged only by the concern for Kate as she fights the severe morning sickness and I know we all wish her well as hopefully she will overcome it soon.

What makes it even more exciting and memorable is, of course, the fact that we can now enjoy the real benefit of the 24-hour news reports, the pages in our daily newspapers and other forms of media which will keep us all up to date with progress over the next weeks and months.   I don`t know if they still post bulletins on the railings giving daily medical reports but I`m sure there will be an anxious crowd gathering from wherever any sort of news may emerge.

It`s at times like this that we should all be grateful for the coverage, the in-depth analysis as the pregnancy proceeds and it is of course quite fitting that this happy event should take precedence over any other news item that might be around.

You can tell that I`m over the moon about it all and I`m so looking forward to the next few months when all other issues we might have had to contend with will just have to take a back seat.   I know you all feel the same and join me in celebrating this truly wonderful news.

KER-CHING...

Figures published yesterday reveal that over £2million of taxpayers` money was handed over to Prince Charles in the last year - an increase of some 12% over the previous year.  In the same year, his personal income, principally from the Duchy of Cornwall estates and those infernal Duchy Original biscuits and stuff, rose to £20.8million, again up on the year before.

So, in these times of financial stringency, belt-tightening, barrel-scraping and all being in it together, here`s a  suggestion that might help relieve us taxpayers of the £2million we keep shelling out.   It`s clear from the figures that HRH is doing very nicely thank you with his Duchy business turning in a useful net profit, so stop giving him any more of our cash and let him rely, like the rest of us, on his own personal income.

If he doesn`t agree then we should just stop buying the Duchy Original stuff which is overpriced and not awfully wonderful anyway.

BY ROYAL DISAPPOINTMENT..

Strange how what started off as a weekend when I was determined to avoid bunting and frolics at all costs ended up by leaving me with an odd sense of gratification following the Queen`s Jubilee celebrations.   Now being just as curmudgeonly as the Duke of Edinburgh, I will not drift into, or get caught up in, the patriotic outpourings witnessed over the past few days;   but I confess to being genuinely impressed by Her Majesty who, at 86, has shown dignity, fortitude and determination in coming through a strenuous weekend of appalling weather, endless events and functions and the concern for her husband, taken to hospital with a bladder infection.   I suspect she could do with a nice cup of tea and a sit down.

But it all got me recalling my own experiences with royalty;   in all my nearly 73 years, there have been four, not one of which could  in any way be described as memorable.   The first was in 1953 when, as a callow youth of about 12, we were marched from school to occupy a roadside kerb past which our newly crowned monarch was due to progress  as part of her nationwide whistle stop tour of the country.   I vividly recall the moment when the royal car swept past and the way in which Prince Philip`s eyes seemed to mark me out and fix me with a knowing gaze.   I swear I could see him muttering, "Look, there`s young Snopper."

My next encounter was many years later when, as a national serviceman, I was part of the  regimental guard for the visit by the Duke of Gloucester to our headquarters in Germany.   The sun blazed down as we went through our choreographed sword drill in our best blues and white webbing, only for the Duke to completely ignore me, clearly just having had a good time in the officers` mess.

About 25 years ago I was invited, along with Mrs. Snopper, to attend a royal garden party at Buckingham Palace, an invitation I respectfully declined with as much grace as I could muster, for the simple reason that I really didn`t want to go.  I just didn`t fancy all the dressing up and the formality of it all.   By this time, unsurprisingly, my reputation among royal circles was in sharp decline.

And lastly, about ten years ago I was chairman of the Friends of a local hospice when the Earl of Wessex and the beguiling Sophie came to officially open a big extension project.   Now given my reputation, I thought it best to resign the chairmanship just before the royal visit, which enables me to keep in the shadows, despite shaking the royal hand.

So there we are. A series of narrow squeaks, near misses and lost opportunities and at the end of it all I wonder who is left the most disappointed.   I think I know the answer.   And it`s not me.

NOT AMUSED...

Now don`t get me wrong.   After 60 years in a job anyone deserves a bit of recognition, so I have no problem with marking the Queen`s diamond jubilee this year.   But the hair brained notion that a grateful nation should present her majesty with a brand spanking new royal yacht is just plain daft.

Without being unkind, at their respective ages of 85 and 90, I`m not sure a life on the ocean wave would be good for the royal couple`s wellbeing and you have to ask whether, by the time the yacht is completed, the Queen and Prince Philip will be able to appreciate it as much as they did the old one.  

But what I find at least bordering on the offensive is the suggestion that the £80million cost of building the yacht should be borne by public subscription.   The Government has made it pretty clear that Government money (ie. taxpayers cash) will not be used for this project.   Instead, an appeal is being launched and already well heeled Tory Peer Lord Ashcroft has promised £5million and there are reports that Canadian businessmen are to pledge another £10million.   As for the remaining £65million, the business community and the general public will be expected to cough up - and no-one has yet mentioned the running costs.

So, I`m curious as to the motives as to why people should fork out.   Of course, there will always be the genuine royalphiles who are seriously moonstruck but there might well be others whose motives are less clear.   Do some hope to seek some sort of redemption and do others feel that maybe there might be something in it for them if they are shown to be supportive?   The odd gong perchance?   Who knows?

But if the royal family are so keen on having a new yacht then surely it is within their means to pay for one - flog off the odd crown jewel, put Sandringham on the market, put up the already extortionate price of Duchy Originals.  But please don`t ask me to cough up as I am seriously not amused by the whole business.