IF ONLY IT WAS FUNNY..

As if to deliberately vie with the dulcet tones of James Alexander Gordon as he monotones this afternoon`s football results, the outcome of the Labour leadership contest will be announced at 4.40pm this afternoon at the party`s conference in Manchester. It will be the culmination of a long and complicated process by which the new Leader of the Labour Party and therefore Leader of Her Majesty`s Most Loyal Opposition is elected.

There are three `elements` that make up the process by which the leader is elected. There are the sitting Labour MPs and Labour Members of the European Parliament (MEPs); paid up members of the Party; and affiliated organisations, such as trade unions and `socialist societies.` There`s a complex process involving second and even third preference votes so that, finally, the candidate with the most overall votes will emerge as the winner.

The likely outcome is that one of the Miliband Brothers (pictured) will emerge victorious and climb into a job which will see his salary rise from the basic £65,000 as an MP to something like £140,000 as Leader of the Opposition. Now it`s a good idea to have an Opposition and it`s a longstanding principle of democratic government that such an arrangement is in place. I`ve no problem with it but as with so many other things, the integrity and gravitas of the individual will either enhance or diminish the reputation of the office.

Today`s winner might have been Ed Balls, Andy Burnham, Diane Abbott even, but it seems either David (Gap Year) Miliband or his younger brother Ed will be fighting it out. And thereby hangs the problem, for neither of them inspire and like all the other candidates there`s the feeling that they aspire to office rather than deserve it. And all the time, as this intense charade plays out, the ruling ConDemNation coalition government must be smiling inwardly to itself as it witnesses the `opposition` by which it will be held to account.

So, just before 5.00pm this afternoon I might just be more interested in listening to James Alexander Gordon, "Sheffield Wednesday five, Southampton nil..........."