There are, in life, so many things which annoy. This morning, having been away for a week, we had to go shopping to replenish our supplies. Now, I don`t know whether it has anything to do with where we live but I encountered a prime example of the annoying thing.

Now, it being late July and therefore the peak of the holiday season, it was raining again and not too warm either. However, some people had clearly been on their own holidays, because, despite the weather, I saw at least three middle aged men dressed in shorts and tee shirts and sporting a tan (fake or otherwise) with the obvious intention of alerting everyone else to the fact. "Look at me," they silently cried, "I`ve just come back from holiday and don`t I look splendid with my tanned legs and my holiday clothes?"

No, actually, you are very annoying, you look like a complete twonk and at your age you should know better.

Another of today`s annoyances is the mobile phone. I bought mine a few months ago for £9.73 and I have used it about twice. But far from decrying their usefulness, courtesy of the so-called `celebrities,` a whole new purpose for the mobile phone has emerged - the art of clasping the phone to your ear as you hurry through the arrival lounge so as to give the impression that you are holding an important conversation with someone just as important as you. When all the time, there is no conversation actually taking place and so the clasped phone becomes simply a device to feign being `otherwise engaged` rather than have to face the people, the press and whoever else might find your presence interesting. John Terry was the most recent example of those using this device. They fool no-one, of course, except themselves. It must be very annoying for them.