AN UNLIKELY REBEL

Our Golf Corrspondent reflects...

Oh, how the goslings of Hever Castle could have done with Kate Humble`s watchful eye yesterday as their very survival was threatened by Snopper`s onslaught on the Hever Castle Golf Club.

Having been invited to play the Princes Course at the majestic complex, Snopper found himself in unknown territory, never having been there before. It is by any standards a challenging, daunting course with long fairways, lakes that resemble Wastwater or Windermere and the double edged sword of two-tier greens.

Yesterday`s additional hazard was the presence of families of geese with their goslings scurrying around the course trying to avoid the golfers and their balls - small wonder there were large helpings of gosling dung which required some nifty footwork if it was to be avoided.

Now it has to be said that, almost unrecognisably, there seems to be something lurking in the dark recesses of Snopper`s psyche that suggests an uncharacteristically `rebellious` trait where golf is concerned. It was a little in evidence yesterday when, faced yet again with a real golfing challenge, it was almost as if he was stretching his undoubted inadequacies and inability to their limits. As if he knows he is quite dreadful at the game but is determined to prove to himself just how woeful he can be and to see just what it takes until some committee member finally intervenes to prevent damage to the on-course goslings and the reputation of the club. So far, that indignity has been avoided but it surely is only a matter of time.

But maybe therein lies the strength of Snopper`s golfing character, for it takes a certain mindset to stumble on from one golfing disaster to another in the vain hope that some salvation will come his way if he sticks at it long enough. And yesterday it came on the par 3 third where a totally out of character imperious tee shot sailed over a daunting stretch of water and landed within a few feet of the pin. The rest of the round was - how can I describe it? - eclectic, unremarkable, instantly forgettable - indeed, best forgotten.

Snopper`s biggest disappointment yesterday was, however, the after match tea which was starkly devoid of cakes, for he likes nothing better than a good selection of fancy pastries to round off his afternoon and give him at least something to look forward to on his next visit. Committee members permitting, of course.