As an octogenarian pensioner struggling to survive on a fixed income during these unprecedented economic times, the last thing I need is for things to be complicated.  Just recently I have had some close encounters with various bits of technology that have left me longing for things to be less complicated, simpler, easier to understand, even a touch more user-friendly.

I suppose the first example is my new car, which I bought just before THE LOCKDOWN back in March and which, thanks to Covid 19 and all its works, has only now clocked up its first 1,000  miles in five months.  There are quite a few things I don`t understand about it such as setting the satnav so I can find my way home.   Had a go when we were out this morning - managed to type in the home postcode but couldn`t find where to `save` it or `OK` it so I`m pretty sure it won`t work.  Why can`t things like that be more simple to use?

A few days ago I needed to have my mobile phone on as I was expecting a call from Mrs. Snopper when she emerged from `an appointment.`   So I sat on a nice bench in the shade of an old oak tree and started fiddling with the mobile, really for the first time.  I thought it was pretty basic but my fiddling discovered that it does far more than I would ever need it to do - it has a camera which I`ve never used;  an `organiser` which I don`t need; an alarm, which was quite alarming and a few other bells and whistles as well.  I did manage to change the picture on the screen and also change the clock so it`s now a 12-hour one but I really just need the phone to make and receive calls and keep life simple.

The other day our television suffered a terminal decline - it was overheating and worrying splodges were appearing on the screen, so off we go to the TV shop, where the diagnosis was confirmed as fatal and so we needed a new one (surprise, surprise.)  We were shown an impressive array and when we found one which was recommended to us the obviously clued up young man who was helping us explained all the things the new television could do - apparently it`s `smart,` you can tell it what to do, it has loads of options for sound and vision, it can link up to the internet; it can get YouTube, Disney, Netflix, Amazon, even BBC 2.  I know I won`t want or need most of that stuff - I just want to watch the Test Match.

Life`s too complicated these days -  as a simpleton myself, I`m really quite desperate to keep it simple.

(Elderly confused pensioners are an endangered species in the modern world but you can help by adopting a fogey of your own.  Just £3 a month will provide a needy pensioner with a vital supply of Complan, Fixodent and essential medical supplies.  In return you will receive a cuddly pensioner rag doll, a newsletter to keep you up to date with the good things your contribution is helping to provide and photos to show you how your adopted fogey is getting on.  Text Save-a-foge to 77399024 to give just £3 a month or call our helpline on Freefone Nigeria at any time.  Thank you.)