SIGNS OF IMPROVEMENT..

From our Golf Correspondent..

Snopper`s tentative re-entry into the world of golf took another turn yesterday when, once more, he entertained a phantom gallery by hacking his way around the short course at Poult Wood.  But perhaps I should not be too critical on this occasion, for in truth there were definite signs of improvement in his generally losing battle with the Royal and Ancient game.

His round got off to a predictable start as his first tee shot cannoned into a nearby woodland which, quoting an obscure passage from the Rule Book, encouraged him to `have another go.`  By the third hole, however, his touch showed signs of its old adequacy, when somehow he managed to par the hole without his usual recourse to creative accountancy, subterfuge or sleight of hand.

The rest of his round was `respectable enough` and although a few more balls disappeared into the Kent countryside, he managed to replace them with balls found whilst taking a `comfort break` in some convenient bushes.   In an after match interview, he lapsed into whimsy by humming an extract from Mark Knopfler`s `Walk of Life,` viz:-

"He got the action, he got the motion,
Yeah the boy can play.
Dedication, devotion
Turning all the night time into the day."

It seemed a vain attempt to convince a highly sceptical audience that those lines might accurately describe Snopper`s upward trend; nonetheless you have to admire his septuagenarian determination to continue with his very own walk of life. However, despite the unfortunate injury to Rory McIlroy, Snopper has announced that he will not seek to take his place in next week`s Open.  Sometimes, you see, it is possible for reality to creep in to his fantasy world.