CHEER UP PETER REID

..and possibly Mr. Slightly too

Each time we go away on holiday, I always pick up a copy of the local newspaper, so as to get more of a feel for the area we`re staying in.   Last Thursday I bought a copy of the West Briton (Truro and Mid-Cornwall edition,) which seems an excellent publication, full of local news, events, property for sale or rent, motors, all the usual stuff including ....local sport.   And being an afficionado of the so-called beautiful game, I spent quite a bit of time combing the details of football scores and league positions around the Cornish leagues.

I came across Division One of the Mining Division Football League.   Now, probably because of my own inglorious football `career` coupled with being a lifelong Saints fan,  I always look for those teams who are struggling near the foot of the table and I noticed that Madron FC seemed not to have had the best of seasons.   In fact, they finished bottom of the league, having played 28 matches, won none, drawn none and lost all 28.   They did manage to score 12 goals in the season but, sadly, conceded no less than 406, leaving them with a goal difference of -394.

Of course, like Durham City a few seasons ago,  there`s a story here.  It seems the whole first team, having gained promotion from Division Two last season, upped and left at the start of this season.   As the reserve team were doing quite well in their own league, it was decided not to draft them into the first team but to play the Division One games with a mixture of `experience and youth.`   By December, they had conceded 227 goals in their first 11 games, scoring just twice, and reinforcemnets were indeed needed.

They arrived in the form of vastly experienced player and manager Peter Reid (pictured above turning away  in frustration from a Madron stalwart), currently managing Plymouth Argyle, who agreed to take a training session with the Madron lads to see if he could help them in their plight.   Sadly, it seems not, for the season went from bad to worse, including a 55-0 hammering with just seven players and no goalkeeper against league leaders Illogan RBL.

So where`s the comfort in all this?   Well, I`m not sure there`s anything to cheer up Peter Reid, whose Argyle suffered relegation to League Two after a points deduction for going into administration.    But my good friend Mr. Slightly can perhaps take comfort in the knowledge that although his beloved Gillingham missed out on the play-offs by just one point, in another life he could have been a Madron fan.   As for Madron FC themselves, well they can rest assured that their 55-0 tonking is not the record loss suffered by a football club.   That `honour` goes to a team in Mozambique who contrived to lose 143-0 by scoring 143 own goals in protest at a penalty decision refused in the first minute.