LICENCE TO STICK AROUND...

An interesting `official communication` landed on my doormat the other day. It was from The Driver and Vehicle Licensing Agency, which is "an executive agency of the Department of Transport." It contained a Driving Licence renewal application and told me that my current licence ends at midnight on 18th July 2009.

That`s because I will be 70 on 19th July. I`ve had a driving licence since 1957, when I passed the driving test at the second attempt. The first test was held on a Tuesday morning in Maidstone, which was - and still is - market day in the town. In those days, before by-passes and motorways, the town`s traffic on a Tuesday morning was always clogged up and so it proved when I had my mid-morning test. After creeping out of the test centre and successfully joining the rest of the Tonbridge Road traffic, there we sat for a good 20 minutes before creeping off for a few more yards and stopping again. I failed because it had not been possible to do enough driving in the half-hour alotted and so I was given a free re-test a few days later (not Tuesday.)

Since then, by some miracle of fortune, I have had an unblemished driving career - no points on the licence, no convictions for anything, no finger-wagging police involvement....and I would like it to continue that way. So, I`ll struggle my way through the renewal application, which might well take the three months notice I`ve been given, as it involves all kinds of things like `proof of identity.` Now, I know who I am but I need to find some documentation to prove it to the DVLA. I haven`t got a passport, I`ve mislaid my birth certificate, I don`t receive any `benefits,` so I might have a problem. (Incidentally, why would they need a birth certificate when they know I`ve been born? They know I`ve been born `cos they`ve written to me.)

I`ve also got to provide a photograph to very precise specifications - no smiling, no hair across the eyes, no hat on, glasses off - so my George Clooney lookalike photo will not do. But I suspect already that the biggest test will be when I come to fill in the bit that asks for `country you were born in.` I`m going to put `England` and I`ll wait to see if that gets recognised by officialdom. There are boxes to tick if I want to donate any organs and searching questions about my eyesight and any health problems. I wonder if I should declare being a Saints fan.

From where the DVLA is sitting, I guess they think the end is near and the final curtain has to be faced. But I have no intention of leaving just yet; there are still so many roads to travel, so much of this green and pleasant land to explore and so much more driving to do, even if it will take me three months to fill in the application.