KEEPING IT SIMPLE

Our Golf Correspondent reflects

Golf is supposed to be a simple game. You stand on the tee, hit the ball as far as you can, get it on the green then putt it into a small hole. What could be simpler?

Today, Snopper`s return visit to Hever Castle Golf Club, deep in the sylvan lanes of West Kent, saw the simple game transformed into a complex, confused, erratic encounter between player and course. A couple of weeks ago, Snopper recorded a consistent set of three 9s on each of the holes around the Amen Corner of the course. Last time out, he managed to bring this level of consistency down to three 7s, which might have been considered as progress were it not for the application of a degree of creative accounting rarely seen on golf courses these days.

Today, determined to improve even further, Snopper managed 7, 6 and 5 for the same three holes, so one would imagine that real improvements are beginning to appear in his hitherto eccentric game. However, it will be noted that any semblence of consistency has now vanished as he resorted to his old habit of just hitting and hoping.

Being the curmudgeonly soul he is, however, Snopper finds it hard to blame himself too much for his golfing problems. Instead, he launched into a post match tirade against the course designers, querying their mental state in taking a perfectly reasonable area of land and creating lakes, bunkers, trees, rough and other assorted hazards with the express intention of making the simple game more difficult. He suspects the course designers are in cahoots with the ball manufacturers, as his lost ball count in recent weeks has probably exceeded the number of balls allowed for each round, a skill which he proudly displays on his tee-shirt.

He is off now for a short break to try to settle his mind before reappearing at Hever in two weeks time. I have suggested that he might take the chance to have some refresher lessons from a golf professional, but I left feeling we were both wasting our breath in the face of his constant skirmishes with the simple game. Some people may be simply beyond help.