THE POLITICS OF THE VAUDEVILLE

I have a confession to make. Knowing that Blair`s tenure of office has only one week to go, I recorded Prime Minister`s Questions yesterday, along with questions to the Deputy Prime Minister which preceeded it. I settled down to watch it late last night and it was just like being in one of those old fashioned vaudeville shows, where each act that came on stage was more hilariously funny than the last. Only this time, it really wasn`t funny `funny` but more funny pathetic.

First, a word about Prescott, the departing Deputy. It has long been a source of quizzical astonishment that an oaf such as Prescott could possibly have risen to the heights of Deputy Prime Minister and yesterday his swansong did not disappoint. He grappled with a reference to Demosthenes, which came out as "Dame Ostheens" and such is his level of unawareness that he seemed genuinely pleased by the barrage of guffaws which followed his pronouncement. Goodbye, John - and very very good riddance, for I, as a taxpayer, have long been angry that I have contributed financially to the excesses of this dimwitted buffoon. Truly, we deserve better, although judging by the six candidates standing to replace him, I`m not at all sure we`ll get it.

And now, ladies and gentleman, the one you`ve all been waiting for; yes, it`s that great comic actor Dodgy Blair......and he didn`t disappoint either with true comic timing and with a nod here and a wink there the scandals of the day, including the early release of 25,000 prisoners and the fact that the kidnap of navy personnel in Iraq was really no-one`s fault, were merely yet more ammunition for the self-deluded.

There were support acts in the form of Baby Dave Cameron and Ming the Merciless, whilst the likes of Beckett, Reid and Straw (a smile, a song and a rant) looked on under the watchful gaze of Gorbals Mick (don`t mess with me, I`ve got a gown on.)

It is bordering on the indefensible that these weekly fols-de-rol have as their warm up act the continuing litany of casualties lost to their families, their friends and the nation as a result of the twin follies of Iraq and Afghanistan. How can such tragedies happen, when Tone assured us that there were WMDs in Iraq and Reid assured us that our peregrination into Taleban territory would be over without a shot being fired?

Don`t worry - it`s a rhetorical question.