HERE WE GO AGAIN.........

Yes, folks, here in the UK it`s RED NOSE DAY again. It`s that time of year when we`re all supposed to put on red noses (in Alex Ferguson`s case already a permanent fixture) in aid of charity. How fetching.

This comes on top of Children in Need Day, appeals for anything and everything afflicting mankind across the world and the incessant promptings of Messrs. Geldof, Bono and their ilk.

Now, please don`t get me wrong - I do my bit for charity not just by making regular donations but also giving my time, experience and expertise to help one of our local hospices (see "Ed has Close Encounter with Snopper" in archive section, for example.) I do this willingly, butI do not need to be harangued, cajoled or made to feel silly by wearing a red nose in order to make my small contribution. I do get tired of a whole evening of BBC1 TV being devoted to an unending stream of alleged celebrities attempting to `entertain` whilst succeeding not only in making themselves look stupid but also leaving me feeling embarrassed for them by their antics.

One of the forerunners is Jonathan Ross (pictured) who himself benefits from an £18million contract with the BBC which I as a licence-payer consider as grotesque as his limited and often offensive `talent.` He can`t dance, can`t sing and isn`t funny, so it baffles me how he can command such riches. Maybe if he were to give, say, 10% of his annual salary to the charity I might feel a bit more charitable towards him. But I doubt it.

Of course, I will not be compelled to watch tonight`s nonsense so instead I will tune in to Sky Sports 2 to see Southampton FC take on Colchester , live from St. Mary`s Stadium. Sadly, family commitments do not enable me to make the journey for this evening`s game but at least the TV coverage should be rivetting. Now, if Mr. Ross is looking for a candidate that really needs all the help it can get, then he should look no further than the end of the rainbow in SO14.