I guess it`s just the way life is.  You take one step forward and two steps back.  And today`s news has  confirmed that my own place in the great scheme of things has taken an unexpected step back  - which came as a bit of a surprise.

Now I`m sure that, like me, you were overwhelmed with joy at the news that Princess Meghan, the former Catholic, mixed race, foreign, divorcee, now laughably known as the Duchess of Sussex is going to have a baby in the Spring of next year.   It is, of course, a matter of limitless excitement and anticipation for me, to the extent that I can hardly wait until next Spring to  celebrate the arrival of yet another edition to the burgeoning royal family.

Don`t get me wrong - I hope all goes well for Prince Harry, the aforementioned Princess Meghan and their new arrival - I`m sure they will have a happy and glorious life as a family blessed with the knowledge that they will spend their lives in privileged splendour.

But I wonder if they will ever spare a thought for the fact that their newborn royal family member will be ninth in line for the throne with the result that I will thus be relegated to 59,573,976th in the line of succession.

It`s the same with my golf - for one reason or another I have been absent from the royal and ancient game for a few months and in the worldwide rankings I have now slipped out of the top 259,000,000 on the Richter Scale.  

So all in all, my life seems to be taking backward steps and as Paul Simon predicted it seems the nearer my destination the more I`m slip sliding away.   I need an upturn so I`ll get back to the driving range and stay well away from Kensington Palace.