ENOUGH OF THE NONSENSE..

Firstly, a disclaimer.  I do not buy or read the Sun newspaper - I have merely nicked this image of one of their front pages for illustrative purposes connected with the following rant.

Now as I understand it, whoever is Prime Minister attends Buckingham Palace each week (possibly on Thursdays) to have a discussion with the Queen and have the benefit of Her Majesty`s advice.  The conversations must be riveting, especially these days when the country is in such a state of confusion, turmoil and uncertainty about its future.

I realise also that these weekly get-togethers are strictly confidential, so one is left simply to speculate about the nature of recent conversations concerning the ongoing Brexit nonsense.  I just wonder if it goes something like this:-

HM : "Well, Prime Minister, how`s this Brexit thing coming along?"

PM :  "It`s proving a little difficult, your Majesty.  There are a few problems at the moment, Ma`am.  After over two years of negotiation I thought we had a deal with our European partners setting out the terms of our withdrawal from the EU.  Trouble is, parliament didn`t like it, half of my party didn`t like it, the opposition party didn`t like it nor the LibDems, the Scottish Nationalists, the DUP from Northern Ireland, Plaid Cymru from Wales, a few Independents and that Green woman.  And loads of people who voted leave don`t like it much, nor loads who voted remain.  So I lost the vote in the Commons by quite a distance."

HM : "Oh dear, so what are you doing to put things right?"

PM : "Well, Ma`am, it`s tricky.  There are conflicting opinions about the Northern Ireland backstop, whether to go back to the EU and try to tweak the agreement over such things as staying in the customs union which would mean we can`t negotiate trade deals with countries outside the EU; whether to stay in the single market which might not mean ending free movement; whether to have no agreement at all and just pull out of the EU at the end of March with all the economic uncertainty that might bring;  whether to have a second referendum which a lot of people want as they didn`t like the result of the first one and other issues as well.  Trouble is, Ma`am, the EU have said they will not renegotiate the agreement.  So at the moment I`m talking to representatives across all political parties to see if there is any chance of any common ground which we might put before the EU and parliament to see if we can achieve an agreed way forward before we leave the EU on 29th March.  So it`s all a bit difficult and I wonder if you might have any advice you can offer me Ma`am to help resolve the many conundrums and impasses I`m currently facing."

HM : "Oh dear, Mrs, May, a bit of a pig`s ear really and one is not terribly amused. So surely the time has come for someone to bite the bullet and offer firm, decisive leadership.  Now, last time I looked I was still the Queen of Great Britain and Northern Ireland and, as the Sun suggested, I could do with getting my country back.   So I`ve decided to take charge of the situation and issue a series of Sovereign Commands that will make it clear that we will become an independent country in every respect as from the date you had in mind.  Enough of the nonsense.   I had been thinking about it, so I texted my decision to Philip yesterday afternoon to let him know.  Bit of a surprise for him - he pranged the Land Rover when he got the message but he`s OK.  I`ll turn up at Westminster next week and read out a new Queen`s Speech so that everyone knows what`s going to happen.  Happy?  Perhaps you would like Philip to drive you home?"