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Friday, December 28, 2018


200,000 YEARS ?

I`ve been doing a little research and it seems that Homo Sapiens - the lot we belong to - has been around for about 200,000 years in various forms of `development.`

Another bit of research has produced a list of the ten most popular television events in the UK over the Christmas period.   Here`s the list:-

1,  The Queen`s speech - 6.3 million viewers.  (I`m afraid I missed it as I was out walking the dog at the time but I`m sorry I did as I would have enjoyed her take on Brexit, Mourhino`s departure from Manchester and how many bits of plastic the royal household has thrown out this year.)

2. Michael McIntyre`s Big Christmas Show - 6.2 million. (Sorry, don`t get McIntyre who seems to be under the illusion that if you walk around a lot, shake your head a lot and shout a lot then by definition you`re hilariously funny.  Well, he ain`t.)

3. Strictly Come Dancing - 5.8 million.  (I don`t care much for these kind of competitions that rely on people taking pleasure at the humiliation of others.)

4. Call the Midwife - 5.5 million.  (Well, Mrs. Snopper likes it.)

5. The Jungle Book - 5,3 million. (Haven`t we seen that loads of times before?)

6. EastEnders - 5 million.  (Where`s the fun in watching the antics of a delusional multi-racial, downtrodden confrontational community living in a deeply unattractive part of our deeply unattractive capital city?)

7. BBC News - 4.7 million.  (So glad I watched this, for I now know what to think following their unbiased reporting on issues such as Brexit, immigration, climate change and, of course, plastic.  Oh, and it seems Chris Evans has left Radio 2.)

8. Mrs, Brown`s Boys Christmas Special - 4.7 million. (The point of my research to discover how many years homo sapiens has been walking this planet was to marvel at the way in which human development has finally arrived at the point whereby we have come to this.)

9. Coronation Street - 4.6 million.  (I must be the only person in the country who genuinely and honestly has never, ever watched even a single episode of this.  Possibly because it`s based in Manchester.  Well it is, isn`t it?)

10.  Zog. - 4.5 million.  (I have absolutely no idea what this is or anything about it.  I guess it`s some film or other?)

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So there we have it.  A nation celebrating the season of goodwill slumping in a stupor watching stuff like that.   I`m really not sure you could make it up.  But I do wonder where we might be in 200,000 years time.

(NOTE : If you have been affected by any of the issues raised above, there is a helpline you can call;  trouble is, I can`t remember the number to ring.  Sorry about that.)

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