NEIGHBOURHOOD WATCH .....

 Our Golf Correspondent reports.....

It has been a long time - perhaps too long - since I had the task (I nearly said pleasure) of reporting once more on Snopper`s golfing exploits.   This has partly been due to course conditions over recent weeks - mud, rain, trolley bans - but also because, frankly and as with much else a la Snopper, there really has been very little to report.

However, all that has changed in the last week and it all began with a casual conversation over the fence with his neighbour, Mr. Slightly.  Now, of course, Snopper`s own golf clubs go back many years, to the days of mashie niblicks and the like and during that time the grips have become very smooth, providing him with yet another excuse for his excessive scoring.  But some years ago he found that he had lost a seven iron and, in a spirit of true neighbourliness, Mr. Slightly kindly lent Snopper one of his own `on approval.`

Snopper never returned it to its rightful owner, becoming rather taken with it, chipping away quite happily and confidently.   In the meantime his neighbour bought himself a new set of clubs and so Snopper - in the aforementioned cross-fence dialogue - enquired gently as to the availability of the rest of Mr. Slightly`s redundant clubs.

And so the admirable neighbourliness saw Snopper taking the `new` clubs with him on a recent visit to Poult Wood Golf Centre resulting in not only a much improved `performance` but also - and for the first time in living memory - resulting in not one single golf ball being lost.   Shareholders in Topflite please note.   It remains to be seen whether this ranks as a turning point in Snopper`s endless battle with the Royal and Ancient game and, perhaps more pertinently, whether he can find a buyer for his own, now redundant clubs.   `Suit smooth grip enthusiast` might form the strap-line of his advertising campaign.

As for his neighbour, he might cop for a small commission which might cheer him up following Gillingham`s defeat to promotion rivals Walsall last night.   Every little helps, to be fair.