FLIGHTS OF FANCY..

Some of my friends and family live within the Parliamentary Constituency of Maidstone and the Weald (MATW) and I hope they won`t think me patronising but I really do have some sympathy with them.   First, they had the pugnacious, stentorian charms of Ann Widdecombe as their Member of Parliament who, despite being mercifully put out to grass in deepest Devon, is still miffed with Dave Cameron for not making her Baroness Widdecombe.

Since the last election, the constituency is rumoured to have been represented by one Helen Grant, late of the Labour Party and parachuted into the Tory stronghold of MATW courtesy of the discredited `A` list system which pretty much guaranteed an election victory provided you were feminine and of ethnic background.  Mrs. Grant duly won the seat for the Tories despite reducing the majority to unhealthy proportions.

Mrs. Grant`s track record can perhaps be best described as unprepossessing, with issues about her expenses, her less than impressive stint as Minister for Justice and now her increasingly shambolic  tenure as Minister for Sports, Equalities and Tourism - a title in itself that anyone with a penchant for mischief could make much of.   No matter, her failure to answer pretty routine sporting questions a few weeks ago has now been compounded by her pronouncements concerning women`s participation in sport.    In a garbled attempt to encourage women to take up more sports, Mrs. Grant declared, "There are some wonderful sports you can do and perform to a very high level and I think those participating look absolutely radiant and very feminine such as ballet, gymnastics, cheerleading and even roller-skating." 

Now in the last couple of weeks, I assume in her capacity as Minister for Sport, etc., Mrs. Grant has been to Sochi for the Winter Olympics not just once but twice.  Nevertheless, and in a desperate effort to be charitable towards her, I`m quite certain that on those taxpayer funded jaunts she not only gave thought to new sports and pass-times to encourage women - downhill ironing, for example, or even slalom shopping -  but also dwelt on the desperate plight of her constituents struggling along in Yalding waist deep in water.

The good electors of Maidstone and The Weald must be truly grateful for how well they are represented by Mrs. Grant and her flights of fancy.