MOVING UP..

From Our Golf Correspondent

As a result of yesterday`s dramatic turn of events, Snopper today finds himself one place higher in the world all time golf rankings.   The passing of North Korea`s Infinitely Wonderful Leader, Kim Jong-Il, has in fact seen everyone move up a notch, leaving Luke Donald as the undisputed number one in world golf.  


The Astonishing Being who ruled North Korea for quite a long time was, of course and without question, the greatest golfer the world has ever seen, having carded a 30-under par score of 38 on the 18 hole Pyongyang course, including 11 holes in one, the very first and last time he ever played the game.   There`s no question about the authenticity of this remarkable feat as it was witnessed by the 11 security guards who accompanied him on that memorable day and has been officially documented ever since.

The Fantastically Brilliant North Korean Leader was also, of course, naturally gifted at classical music, having composed six operas in two years, mainly to celebrate the completion of hydro-electric dam projects.   But I expect that the memories of Mozart, Rossini, Wagner and all the other great operatic composers may still trail in the wake of Kim Jong-Il`s unforgettable achievements, for while golf can be seen as a  transient pastime,   music can be immortal,  certainly  when written by such genius as he who graced North Korea for so long.

And so the world of music, like that of golf, finds itself in deep mourning at the loss of such a towering figure and it seems deeply unsatisfactory that lesser mortals should now find themselves advanced in their respective orders of merit simply because of this awful loss.   But it was the only way that Snopper was ever going to be able to climb the golfing ladder from being stuck on the bottom rung to now achieving total obscurity.  


I`ll end with just one fact to illustrate the point of this ramble.   It has taken Snopper well over 30 years to record just two birdies in all that time.   His Amazingness the Great Leader gets 11 holes in one on the only game he ever played.   But I wonder who enjoyed it most.