I CAN DO THAT...

From Our Golf Correspondent

Everyone seemed very happy for Darren Clarke when he won The Open at Sandwich a week or so ago.   None more so than the ever optimistic Snopper who was overheard to suggest that he saw a marked similarity between the newly crowned champion golfer and himself.  `Well, he and I have the same thinning shock of grey hair, we seem to share the same fashion icon status, the same athletic approach to the game and we`re both blessed with a supreme talent,` he studiously observed.

So, the morning after The Open ended, there was Snopper once more taking on the Princes Course at Hever Castle, convinced in his own mind that, as he and Clarkie were so alike, all he had to do was go out there and play the course the way he had seen Darren Clarke play Royal St. George`s the day before.

Which is, of course, when brutal harsh reality came face to face with dreamworld fantasy.   Snopper`s round comprised a seemingly endless number of 6s, a couple of 7s, the odd 5 and just one solitary par four.   Whilst being disappointed with his score, he nevertheless took some comfort in the fact that `only` two golf balls were lost on the day and he even  maintains that one of them wasn`t actually lost but simply `not found.`   Only Snopper could be capable of such delusory comparison, despite his assertion that Darren Clarke might make similar claims.

He now looks forward to hearing of the exploits of his more accomplished neighbour who was last seen heading towards Hempsted Forest Golf Club near Cranbrook amid the sylvan tranquility of even deeper Kent.   His neighbour, you see, is a naturally gifted sportsman, accomplished across a range of different disciplines with golf amongst them and so it will be interesting to hear the respective tales of their recent clashes with the Royal and Ancient game.   I suspect I know whose account will be the more accurate.