COMFY CHAIR TIME..

At a time when there are real troubles in the world, it seems flippant to resort to a sporting note.   But on the other hand, perhaps anything that lifts the gloom might be welcome.

Earlier in the week, as all the catastrophes of Libya, Japan and elsewhere were unfolding, the Football Association apparently discovered a little of their version of courage.   For far too long, they have allowed the Manchester United manager, `Sir` Alex Ferguson, to get away lightly with fines and touchline bans when his serial infringement of their rules should have led to more stringent measures.   But this week, the FA doled out a five game touchline ban and a £30,000 fine for the comments Ferguson made about referree Martin Atkinson`s handling of a recent game.

Now, at face value these measures might indeed appear stringent, but we all know that appearances can be deceptive.   So, yesterday, Ferguson was not allowed on the touchline for Manchester United`s game against Bolton.   Instead, he was confined to a comfy chair a little further back in the stand from the `technical area` alongside the pitch.   We know it was comfy, as it even had a telephone built into it, so Ferguson was able to watch the progress of his team from a better viewpoint than being down at pitch level and able to pick up the chairphone and bark his instructions to his hapless assistants in the dugout.

Far from being a punishment, this seemed a nice, cosy arrangement;  one which seemed to work to United`s favour as Ferguson`s barked instructions involved bringing on Dimitar Berbatov late in the game, whereupon he scored the winning goal.   As to the £30,000, I wonder whether Fertguson will actually pay it himself or whether, like his fines being racked up for failing to comply with contractual obligations by providing post match interviews, the final sum won`t be met by the club.   We shall never know.

Nice try, Football Association, but it`s high time they dished out punishments which really have teeth and which fit the crimes and misdemeanours surrounding the game.   In Ferguson`s case, maybe deportation to the colonies would be a good idea.   If we had any left.