FAILED AMBITION..

From our Golf Correspondent

In reporting on Snopper`s golfing exploits over the years, I have never been able to decide whether he is displaying a talent for bringing ineptitude down to new levels or simply adhering to his oft-stated policy of "playing value-for-money golf by hitting the ball as many times as possible."

Yesterday`s events at Poult Wood may have given something of a clue as to the eventual outcome of those choices. After a two-year absence from the sylvan surroundings of the Tonbridge course, last week Snopper returned to playing 18 holes, having spent much of that time trying - and failing - to get to grips with the challenge of Hever Castle`s 9-hole Princes course. To be fair, last week saw him play a decent round and a score that, given his main handicaps of anno domini, avoirdupois and serial mediocrity, was at least acceptably in double figures.

Yesterday was, however, altogether a different story. Now it may be down to Snopper`s remaining ambition to record a score equal to his age which would require a score in the early 70s. Maybe that was why he was trying too hard but even he must surely realise that that ambition sets the bar too high. And so it proved. Despite applying his normal creative accounting methods, his liberal interpretation of the Royal and Ancient Rules of Golf and his ultra-flexible approach to handicapping, recording a score even remotely close to his age once again proved tantalisingly out of reach. As things stand, he will have to keep playing well into his 90s before that ambition is achieved. I suggest he goes back to the 9-hole course, where the prospects for achieving it seem much brighter and where ineptitude can be confirmed as Snopper`s default golfing policy.