LOST AND FOUND

From our Golf Correspondent

Whilst the golfing headlines are concentrating on the antics of the stars of the game, I thought I should find out what occupies the minds of golfing mediocrities at this festive time of the year. So I caught up with Snopper who has been absent from the courses of Kent these past few weeks.

I found him on Boxing Day as he was about to take his faithful retriever Barney for a wander through the snow covered Kent countryside and he kindly invited me to accompany him as he felt sure I would find his outing `interesting.` We found ourselves a few short miles away from Snopper Towers and parked alongside a well known local golf course. It being Boxing Day, there were large signs indicating `Course Closed` so I was beginning to wonder what we were doing there. It soon became apparent that, as well as giving Barney a good scamper through the undulating course (making sure he kept to the public footpaths of course) Snopper`s real mission was to see if he could find any lost golf balls in order to stock up in advance of his new season.

Now, the trouble with good courses and nice private clubs is that they tend to attract good players who, on the whole, don`t tend to lose too many balls. So it needs a canny eye to judge where, if anywhere, any lost balls might be lying. No good looking near the tees, no good looking just off the fairways, what`s needed is a more intrepid expedition into adjoining woodland and banks of heather, seeking out the kind of places where Snopper`s own balls would likely end up if he were playing the course.

Despite feeling a little furtive, after about half an hour of experienced ball hunting, utilising all the tracking skills that he has obviously acquired through years of malpractice, Snopper found eleven balls which pleased him no end and I can confidently predict that his bounty from this one day alone, will see him through, oh, about four holes when he comes to resume his career in a few weeks time.

He tells me that, in all the years he has wrestled with the royal and ancient game, Snopper has never ever actually bought any golf balls, but has always relied on finding lost ones on various local courses. Some years ago, he had a retriever named Rupert who was carefully trained to sniff out golf balls buried in the undergrowth and return them to his master. As a result, Snopper ended up with about 1500 balls, most of which he has managed to lose again, hence the need for re-stocking.

My `interesting` day made me realise the extremes that exist within today`s golfing fraternity. At one end of the spectrum the most successful golfers are actually given countless golf balls to lose, but they seldom do; whilst at the other end, struggling pensioners like Snopper are reduced to scavenging local golf courses to unearth just a few balls, which they promptly go and lose again. But maybe, just maybe, Snopper`s contribution to this endless recycling of finding and losing brings him a quiet satisfaction and the comfort of knowing that he doesn`t have to worry about tomorrow`s headlines.