FAIRWAY FRUSTRATION HITS SNOPPER

From our Golf Correspondent

An afternoon of mixed fortunes for Snopper today in what might be termed an eclectic round of golf at Poult Wood.

After his triumphal return to the fairways a couple of weeks ago, he was today unable to complete the full 18 holes due, he is quick to point out, to circumstances beyond even his control.

Despite a promising start, which included some spectacular drives and a few thumping clouts down the early fairways, his and his partner`s game were a little becalmed by the time they reached the 7th tee, where a small gathering were forming an orderly queue waiting their turn to tee off. It seemed there were some serious hold-ups ahead although the root cause of these delays were not readily apparent.

Information received from an on-course warden disclosed that there were two `societies` causing most of the problems. One was a `society` of no less than 26 lady golfers and the other was a group of 18 from the nearby public school. Sadly, but perhaps predictably, this intelligence caused Snopper`s frustration to come to the fore when he was heard to mutter some unfortunate remarks which, in another context, may have been worthy of yellow if not red cards. Well, I`ve seen them given.

Lady golfer with basket

It`s alleged that Snopper took exception to so many ladies being allowed on the course at any one time. "I don`t mind the odd one or two," he vouchsafed, provided they were there primarily for decorative and screening purposes, but he felt that 26 was perhaps bringing the game into disrepute.

As to the public schoolboys, he was genuinely surprised that they were not in school pouring over Latin, Greek or something equally useful. He thought about reporting the incident to the school authorities but was disuaded from doing so when advised that the boys would likely be given a damned good thrashing if their little adventure was discovered.

Schoolboy golfers

By the time they had reached the 13th, Snopper and his partner had had enough of slow play and the effects that had had on their game which by then had reached laughable proportions . So they called it a day and promised to try again perhaps next week by which time they hoped the course management might have revised their policies concerning groups of ladies and public schoolboys coming between Snopper, his partner and an expectant gallery. Is that another pig I see flying over my window?