WHATEVER HAPPENED TO JANUARY?

Just as I was glorying in the knowledge that my world-wide audience for this website had reached double figures, I got zapped twice. Firstly by the shingles ("Have you got the shingles?" "No, I always walk like this!") and then, due to reduced immune system, by a nasty arrival of a rotavirus. They are particularly nasty little bastards and this one kept me in close proximity to the plumbing for over three weeks. I will spare you the details, dear reader, but it is so good to feel well again and able to resume my ramblings here.

A big and sincere `thank you` to all my friends for their best wishes over the past month - I really appreciated hearing from you all and I now look forward to resuming `normal` communications, if anything in my life can be regarded as normal!

So, Christmas came and went - and the whole of January - and it really was a lost month. There were one or two `consolations` along the way; for example, the fact that I couldn`t sleep much at night, so saw quite a lot of very late-night television. Although I`m not sure seeing the England cricket team being ritually humiliated `down-under` did my wellbeing much good. I read somewhere that Richard Branson offered to sponsor the team, but his kind offer was refused on the basis that there wasn`t much point in being sponsored by Virgin, as we had already been comprehensively stuffed.

Big Brother came and went - and what a telling reflection on our so-called `society` that those three witches could behave so appallingly and believe that it was in any way `acceptable.` No good back-tracking, Jade & Co - the damage has been done and your `careers` should now be consigned to history.

Our mate Blair and his cronies continue to have their collars felt by the boys in blue and the whole saga simply adds to the feeling that those in charge of the country have reached a point well beyond parody - it might make a rivetting reality tv were it not so serious.

To end on some good news and some bad news. Two bits of good news, in fact - my beloved Saints continue their rise up the league table and they haven`t lost a league game since November, when I last made my pilgrimage to Southampton - maybe I should stay away? The other good news is that my image consultant and stylist (Chris of Larkfield) has been hard at work in a vain attempt to restore my boyhood charms to their former glory. It`s not really working though :(

The bad news is that most of the goodies we bought for Christmas went untouched due to diet restrictions and those that have survived have now met their `best before` dates. Still, Easter eggs are in the shops, so they may help to replace some of the 10 kilos I seem to have lost.

Spring and summer really cannot come too soon.